The Art of the First Date: Because Dating’s Not a Science—it’s an Art
The Art of Rejection: Because Dating’s Not a Science—it’s an Art
Check out their other books at Hungry Planet.
Friday, May 26, 2006
remember Marriable?
Remember the book Marriable and the Singles Awareness Day event back in February? Well, my friends the DiMarcos have been hard at work to create some follow-up books, thus creating a Marriable series.
The Art of the First Date: Because Dating’s Not a Science—it’s an Art
The Art of Rejection: Because Dating’s Not a Science—it’s an Art
Check out their other books at Hungry Planet.
The Art of the First Date: Because Dating’s Not a Science—it’s an Art
The Art of Rejection: Because Dating’s Not a Science—it’s an Art
Check out their other books at Hungry Planet.
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8 comments:
"No, Thank You, John."
Christina Rossetti
I never said I loved you, John:
Why will you tease me day by day,
And wax a weariness to think upon
With always "do" and "pray"?
You know I never loved you, John;
No fault of mine made me your toast:
Why will you haunt me with a face as wan
As shows an hour-old ghost?
I dare say Meg or Moll would take
Pity upon you, if you'd ask:
And pray don't remain single for my sake
Who can't perform that task.
I have no heart? - Perhaps I have not;
But then you're mad to take offence
That I don't give you what I have not got:
Use your own common sense.
Let bygones be bygones:
Don't call me false, who owed not to be true:
I'd rather answer "No" to fifty Johns
Than answer "Yes" to you.
Let's mar our pleasant days no more,
Song-birds of passage, days of youth:
Catch at today, forget the days before:
I'll wink at your untruth.
Let us strike hands as hearty friends;
No more, no less; and friendship's good:
Only don't keep in view ulterior ends,
And points not understood
In open treaty. Rise above
Quibbles and shuffling off and on:
Here's friendship for you if you like; but love,
No, thank you, John.
[sniff]
Rossetti is so sad. [sniff]
okay ... let's think this through ... what is the art of rejection ... from both sides.
1. the one being rejected ... how does one artfully accept rejection?
2. the rejector ... how does one graciously reject?
Okay, since nobody else is chiming in, I just don't know that there is a good way to be rejected, but I can think of many bad ways. I could probably offer a primer of things not to do. If rejection isn't causing you pain, you weren't ever really interested. You need to bear the pain like a man, feeling it, but not using it as an excuse to lash out.
Do you think Rosetti's rejection was proper ... or how should it have been done?
1. This poem seems to be a window into Rosetti's heart. It doesn't shed much light on what she actually said to "John", rather, it seems to be more wishful of what she would say if she could.
2. Certain lines in the poem point to fouls "John" committed:
And pray don't remain single for my sake
John may very well feel as though he won't be able to marry any other. It is not fair of him to lay that burden on her, real though it may be. It is not manly.
Don't call me false, who owed not to be true:
John has called her false for rejecting him. Again, this is not a manly response, he is namecalling. A man's job is to bear the burden, not lash out.
3. a)Those preliminaries established, Rossetti's words indicate a certain haughtiness:
I dare say Meg or Moll would take
Pity upon you, if you'd ask:
No fault of mine made me your toast:
I'd rather answer "No" to fifty Johns
Than answer "Yes" to you.
These are the kinds of things that make a man's knees knock. I don't know if she actually said these things to John, but she clearly thinks them.
b) Is the offer of friendship ingenuous? If this guy has been a jerk, why would she want him for a friend? If this guy isn't a jerk, but some well-meaning buffoon, doesn't she know that friendship will be a slow form of torture?
When I first started reading your blog, you were blogging about men needing to reveal their intentions, whether they desire mere friendship or something more. You seemed then to realize how agonizing it can be to want more than friendship with a man who is content to remain friends and string you along.
While the element of being strung along is not quite as major a factor in this situation, the offer of friendship always rings hollow to the rejected.
Part of what makes the decision to attempt to initiate a relationship so gut-wrenching for a man is the fact that no matter what, things will not ever be able to go back to what they were.
Catch at today, forget the days before:
I'll wink at your untruth.
That is just not possible. Either it is wishful thinking or disingenuous.
I've been on both sides. I've been the rejector and I've been the rejected. Neither is fun. I don't know if you could ever turn it into an "art."
The answers are never easy.
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