Friday, December 23, 2005

every kiss begins with Kay ... whatever!

I haven’t watched television in months and while visiting friends here in Savannah, I found myself watching an episode of CSI New York. During a commercial break one of the typical holiday advertisements moved before my eyes on the screen … but this time I found myself leaning forward, mouth opened in anticipation, and then flung myself back onto the couch in exasperation over the woman’s reaction to her husband’s Christmas gift of a diamond bracelet. It was as if she thought it was the best gift he could have given her!

Here’s how the commercial would have gone if it had been filmed in my home seven years from now:

Over the Rhine's Christmas album is playing in the background. The livingroom is full of stacks of books all over the place for lack of room on the bookshelves. A fire is crackling in the fireplace.

The tree is decorated … oh, not in the fashion of home d├ęcor catalogues, but in a way that you know the family had fun doing it. A garland strand of popcorn wrapped partially around the tree … okay, maybe we ate more than we put on the string … homemade decorations scattered haphazardly on the branches with no apparent theme or reason to the process or choice of ornaments … and it appears that the tree was an innocent victim caught in the crossfire of a tinsel war.

I’m sitting at the base of the tree with an instruction manual strewn out in front of me with screws sticking out of my mouth as I’m attempting to figure out which part of the tricycle is part B and how in the world I’m going to connect it to part A. (This is the fun part for me … I live for assembling things … why should my three year old have all the pleasure with his new toy!)

My husband who had been secretly working on his own project in the other room comes into view with a tray of two cups of hot tea. Mmmm … he’s the best! I join him on the couch to take a break from manufacturing Jr.’s Christmas gift when from behind his back he takes out a long, narrow box. My heart races … I open the box … almost afraid of what I might find inside.

Gasp … a diamond bracelet … our children peak around the corner to see their mother’s reaction.

The screen then shows the bracelet featured on a bed of black velvet revolving so that viewers can catch the sparkle from all sides along with the price of a mere $899.

I’m speechless … I feel my eyes tearing up and my face getting flushed …

I SNAP! the box shut and slug my beloved in the shoulder … hard!

“What were you thinking?!! I told you just last week that we need a new washer and dryer! I don’t even wear bracelets!!!”

Then Ty Pennington enters the room and takes the box and bracelet from me, puts his hand on my husband’s shoulder (he winces) and tells him that it’s a good thing he got the bracelet from Sears because he can just exchange the bracelet and browse their options of Whirlpool washer-dryer units to replace it with.

(just for the record ... Ty bugs the snot out of me!)

Thursday, December 15, 2005

family tradition

Anybody else celebrate half birthdays?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Friday, December 09, 2005

if you look closely

If you look closely you'll see that ... gasp! ... that's not me that you see ... but me in my dreams!

Oh, to live in Rome and careen through the streets on a scooter!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

the three questions

scenario 1

Every seventh grade class has a Jeffery. You know, the shortest kid in the class who is brimming with personality! The first day of school when Miss Hnat walked into the classroom all the students stared. Inevitably, Jeffery raised his hand unable to contain it any longer. "Miss Hnat, ... ?"

scenario 2

As I was walking with some of the picnic food to the park tables to join my friends, I was stopped by a woman. She had to ask me, "...?"

scenario 3

The guy behind the counter at the One Stop Wireless stepped around to the front of the counter to explain my new contract to me. His eyes immediately went down to my feet, which prompted him to ask, "...?"

What did the people in each scenario ask me?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

haven't a clue

sigh ... I can't think of a thing to write about. Any suggetions?