Wednesday, November 30, 2005

stressed?!!

click here to relieve your end-of-semester stress. I recommend the "manic mode" option.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

a noble man of intention ... continued

A while ago I wrote a post concerning Carolyn McCulley's article regarding men being intentional in their relationships with women. Since then I have come across many other women who struggle in their relationships with men. Many of them have been hurt (either by having been misled or by letting their imaginations get the best of them, resulting in disappointment). In order to safeguard against this pain, they either avoid friendships with men altogether, set up emotional walls, or become dominating (determined that if anyone was going to get hurt, it wouldn't be them).

Is he only a friend ... or does he want more? Most of the time neither has been communicated, leaving the woman floundering in guesses. Perhaps he doesn't even know what he wants! She enjoys the time that she spends with him but when they are apart she is pre-occupied with wondering "I wonder what he thinks of me?"

I discovered this Washington state trio two years ago and have been hooked ever since. Late Tuesday has found an uncanny way of getting into my head and putting my exact experiences and feelings to words and music. But then again ... maybe it's not just me.

Here's a glimpse, guys, of what goes on in the head of a woman if she finds herself in a "friendlationship." click here to listen.

Everything Means Nothing
~Late Tuesday

At the drop of a hat I would say yes to your questions
And I would think it great to be your friend
And not only that, I would love to hear your stories always
And hear your laughter from the phone line's other end

It's simply marvelous what I know of you
And of the things I've heard, I like you that much more
And more time with you makes my heart grow fonder
But there's just one small thing that I think I should know

What are you thinking of me?
I haven't figured it out - not yet - not specifically
And everything means nothing, until you put into your words
What you are thinking when you think of me

And I could sure make more guesses than the ways you make me laugh
As to your intentions with me
But all my guesses add up to a whole lot of nothing
So I'll wait for you to divulge to me

What are you thinking of me?
I haven't figured it out - not yet - not specifically
And everything means nothing, until you put into your words
What you are thinking when you think of me


I hope this is helpful for you guys in understanding how your sisters-in-Christ often become frustrated and confused in their friendship with you.

I have been blessed with many godly guy friends the past couple of years. Granted, I didn't know any guys when I was in Jr. High and High School ... but God made up for all of that by surrounding me in a circle of friends in college and beyond that have made me who I am today. I have fond memories of running away from two Art majors who should have known better than to wear WHITE socks. I recall cheering on one of my best friends at each of his softball games that I could make it to. One time, I collaborated with another guy friend to convince a gullible friend of ours (from Albania) that in the United States, picking another's nose was a loving, sacred act saved only for marriage. After college, I coordinated a spy themed scavenger hunt through historic Savannah with the aid of a fellow world-traveler. In seminary, I am blessed with two comrades who keep me laughing and inspire me unlike anyone I've ever met.

Yes, it is possible for men and women to be friends.

But ... I have also experienced the intense moments of confusion and misunderstanding, too. And no, I don't have all of the answers. I continue to struggle ... frustrated ... unwilling to express how I feel ... waiting.

Is this merely a part of life ... or is there some profound answer?

Friday, November 25, 2005

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

experimenting on young minds

The little guy was testing me. He inched the stick closer and closer to his lips, eyeing me the entire time.

"Don't you do it, buster!"

He moved it away from his mouth ... but then he squinted his eyes, and moved it back towards his mouth, this time with a bit of mischeif in his eyes.

"Bleh! Fine. If you like the way it tastes ... by all means ... okay, noooo noooo noooo! I was joking."

The 1 1/2 year old dislodged the pithy mass from the tip of his lips ... not because of my warning not to ... but out of sheer bewilderment. As if he was thinking, "What did she say?"

"No."

huh?

"No," he said again, this time enunciating the word.

noooooo?

"No." This time it was said firmly ... my thoughts went back to when I was learning German ... Oh my goodness! The toddler was correcting my pronunciation!!!

I've always believed that adults never gave kids enough credit. They are capable of so much ... and we often times supress them ... why? Because they seem to be incapable of achieving or comprehending greatness?

What if ... instead of speaking "baby talk" to our babies (and teenagers), we spoke to them on our own level ... spurring them on to being "greater" than they already are. Give them a taste of what they can become.

When they stumble ... don't pick them up and coddle them in your arms. Let them figure out for themselves how to get back up ... with your presence there at all times ... your hand inches from their back.

And you know what ... to see the spark of achievement and enlightenment in their eyes as they figure out life ... it's worth it all.

That's been one of my philosophies of child-rearing. As I experiment on my "little friend," I have yet to be disappointed. We have a blast learning to walk up and down, up and down, up and down steep hills without tumbling. As I go on and on about the rules (or lack thereof) of "Ultimate Ping Pong" as we watch a couple of the guys through the window playing ping pong, he watches my mouth ... slightly moving his own attempting to mimic my own words.

I'm thankful that my own parents dealt the same with me. Sure there were times of frustration when I was stuck at the top of the jungle gym. But through sheer patience, my father stood at the bottom urging me to find my way down, making suggestions of where to put my foot next. In no time, I was at the bottom. It would have been nothing for him to grab me, setting me safely on the ground. But moments like that made me feel alive. One moment I was frozen with fear, and the next I was able to control the situation. I could handle anything.

My mother always treated me like her best girlfriend. We would talk and talk of everything under the sun ... I don't remember her once dumbing down her manner of speech just because I was younger. To disobey her was not only to rebel against authority but to pain ... and worse--to disappoint ... the woman who I loved more than any other. Today our relationship is built on such trust that we can both encourage and keep each other accountable. How many mothers ask for advice from their daughters?! And how many daughters relish it when their mothers point out serious flaws in their daughter's character?

One of my earliest memories is of me sitting on the kitchen counter reading outloud as my father flipped through homemade flashcards. cat. dog. the. and. One of his greatest goals for his little girl was that she would become a reader. When I was a teenager, my father was my Bible/theology teacher. He'd take a book off of his shelf that he was reading himself and we'd read it together ... often having heated debates at the dinner table. When I'm at home, he and I will sit in his office for hours discussing all manner of topics ... from theology to politics to science to all sorts of absurdities. ... thanks a lot, Daddy. It's all your fault!

Learning was fun. Learning was life. Perhaps that's why I've turned out to be such an odd character. But I wouldn't want to be anything else. My children will read, fall and pick themselves up, and speak up with confidence and discernment. I'm testing out all my theories, however, beforehand on the 1 1/2 year old boy I babysit.

Thank God, our Heavenly Father, that He sanctifies us, keeping His hand inches from our backs and speaks to us through the pen of Paul and others.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

anybody willing to claim responsibility for this?

This afternoon I was thrilled to receive a package slip in my mailbox. The woman behind the counter handed me an 8"x8" little box wrapped in yards of packing tape. I peaked at the address ... Andrew Whositwhatsit (okay, i don't remember ... but there was something about PayPal on the box). Something from ebay? After removing three Sunday newspapers from the contents I found this tea cup and matching saucer. Okay, who's responsible for this?!!

Oh, yes. And this note was with it.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

is this mean?


Many of you know how I feel about Christmas ... so, is it any wonder that I find this funny?

Friday, November 18, 2005

smile or raise an eyebrow

Okay, I’m a sucker for children’s literature. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

“My earlier experiments were all failures. I tried them on guinea-pigs. Some of them only died. Some exploded like little bombs—“ ~ Uncle Andrew

The Magician’s Nephew by C. S. Lewis


“By gum,” said Digory, “don’t I just wish I was big enough to punch your head!” ~to Uncle Andrew

The Magician’s Nephew by C. S. Lewis






So Sir Wilbur and his knights” (all wearing tutus) “rode their trusty fish into battle with the pretzel."

The Undone Fairy Tale by Ian Lendler








“Fairies also hate baths. I’d like to turn my bathwater into strawberry Jell-O. That would be fun! But, I don’t know how yet.”

Alice the Fairy by David Shannon













“The Itsy-Bitsy Spider”

The itsy-bitsy spider
Climbed up the warthog’s snout.
The warthog grabbed a hankie
And tried to blow it out.
The little bloke was blasted
All the way to Spain,
So the itsy-bitsy spider
Did not go there again.

Monster Goose by Judy Sierra







“We could go and live on a desert island,” her father told them all that evening (over a dinner of hamburgers and french fries and little apple-pies with astonishingly hot middles which Lucy’s mother had brought for them when she got back from work). “We could live in a grass hut with grass walls on an island in the middle of the sea, with nothing but goats on the island and nothing but fishes in the sea.”

We could live in a hot-air balloon,” said her mother.

“We could live in a tree-house at the top of a very tall tree,” said her brother.

“Or we could go back and live in our house again,” said Lucy.

“What?” said her father.

“What?” said her mother.

“What?” said her brother.

“What?” said the Queen of Melanesia, who had dropped by to help with the gardening.

The Wolves in the Walls by Neil Gaiman





“THERE he goes again!” the Earthworm cried, speaking for the first time. “He simply cannot stop telling lies about his legs! He doesn’t have anything LIKE a hundred of them! He’s only got forty-two! The trouble is that most people don’t bother to count them. They just take his word. And anyway, there is nothing MARVELOUS, you know, Centipede, about having a lot of legs.”

“Poor fellow,” the Centipede said, whispering in James’s ear. “He’s blind. He can’t see how splendid I look.”

“In my opinion,” the Earthworm said, “the REALLY marvelous thing is to have no legs at all and to be able to walk just the same.”

“You call that WALKING!” cried the Centipede. “You’re a SLITHERER, that’s all you are! You just SLITHER along!”

“I glide,” said the Earthworm primly.

“You are a slimy beast,” answered the Centipede.

“I am NOT a slimy beast,” the Earthworm said. “I am a useful and much loved creature. Ask any gardener you like. And as for you …”

“I am a pest!”

James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl




“…but the noise arose over all and continuously increased. It grew louder—louder—LOUDER! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled. Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God! –no, no! They heard!—they suspected!—they KNEW!—they were making a mockery of my horror!”

“The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe











“It’s not necessarily my duty to sacrifice everything,” the Princess interrupted. “And I have other duties: a Princess says what she thinks. A Princess stands on her own two feet. A Princess stands tall. And she does not betray those who love her.”

“The Princess Who Stood on Her Own Two Feet” by Jeanne Desy


Just as my father applied his eye to the keyhole, the Troll opened its mouth and bit off her head. Then, holding the neck between the bright blue lips, he sucked the bare meat dry. She shriveled, like a squeezed orange, and her heels kicked.

“The Troll” by T. H. White




“My young friend, you shut up,” said the dragon, severely. “Believe me, St. George,” he went on, “there’s nobody in the world I’d sooner oblige than you and this young gentleman here. But the whole thing’s nonsense, and conventionality, and popular thick-headedness. There’s absolutely nothing to fight about, from beginning to end. And anyhow I’m not going to, so that settles it!”

“The Reluctant Dragon” by Kenneth Grahame





“Mummy Boy”

With the other young tots
He only played twice,
An Ancient game of virgin sacrifice.
(But the kids ran away, saying, “You aren’t very nice.”)

by Tim Burton












“Life Story”

Once—but no matter when—
There lived—no matter where—
A man, whose name—but then
I need not that declare.

He—well, he had been born,
And so he was alive;
His age—I details scorn—
Was somethingty and five …

by Anonymous

anonymous

Anonymous, please don't take this as a personal attack on your character. Just so that we're clear, I don't have a problem with people expressing their points of view (negative or otherwise). But readers and other bloggers have taken up arms to protest your choice in concealing your identity. It's not just you but anonymous commentors in general. Don't take it too personally.

That being said, here is the poll I was encouraged to post with the help of a few of the girls on the hall.











How do you feel about anonymous comments?
anonymous is sketcheroo
anonymity is a sign of immaturity
anonymous is cowardice
anonymous is the Unabomber
anonymous is ashamed of his/her grammar
anonymous has no confidence in his/her opinions


  

Free polls from Pollhost.com

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Ich komme aus Deutschland

I’ll take Geography for 600, Alex.

Germany.

Bzzzzz!

Yes, James.

What is the name of the country where Christine is from?

The funny thing is that I don’t even know James. But he knows where I’m from?!

That’s been the story of my life. In college, people didn't even know my name. It was "Hey, tall German girl!" And have you seen how many people on the poll who have voted that don’t even know me … and about half of them, if not more, read my blog obsessively. All of them know that I’m from Germany.

But when you do meet me … is that slight disappointment that I detect?

You’re wondering why I don’t have a German accent.

I discovered this summer that I can fake a pretty good one if I have to. But no, I don’t have an accent. I should hope not. I’ve been working on it for over twenty years. If I did I’d be pretty upset. All those hours of practicing with the cassette tapes wasted … I want my money back!

So, what’s my story? Ask me sometime. I’ll tell you in person.

-------------
added 11/17:

So, where are you from?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

swiss garage

How does this work?

crazy Sunday happenings

Yesterday, when Laura and I were on our way to church, I turned down a small street only to find it blocked by a "commotion." This commotion involved two dogs and three adults. One of the dogs was off his leash with no owner in sight. The three adults were kicking at that same dog trying to keep it from it's goal. To eat the other dog for lunch. There was no going around them ... so I began to honk my horn in hopes that it would scare off the assailant. No such luck. I pulled up closer and Laura rolled down the window.

"Is there anything we can do?"

The dog's owner asked if we could put her dog in the car.

Laura opened the passenger side door and the large dog sat with us in the front, trembling.

The woman gave us directions to her house nearby, and we drove the dog home and the three adults followed.

The crazy thing is that the other dog followed us!

Monday, November 14, 2005

a noble man of intention

“[Mr. Darcy] sat down for a few moments, and then getting up, walked about the room. Elizabeth was surprised, but said not a word. After a silence of several minutes, he came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began:

‘In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.’"

Jane Austen in “Pride and Prejudice” describes Elizabeth Bennet’s reaction as one of astonishment “beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent.” One can only imagine the inner turmoil erupting inside proud Mr. Darcy as he laid out his intentions. What is this fear … this angst … this extreme vulnerability? Is it part of the curse?

Carolyn McCulley says in her article What Is the Measure of a Man? that this is what being a man is all about: “risk and reward.”

“And we ladies want to encourage the men around us to be men and take risks. That’s how you express trust in God. We express trust in God by waiting on you.”

Waiting.

This period of agonizing waiting allows women, however, to evaluate the men who have captured their interest. Does he sit in the gates (Pr. 31:23)? Does he aspire to obtain the qualities of an overseer and deacon as listed in 1 Timothy 3:1-10? Is he sober-minded, respectable, hospitable, able to teach or lead, not a drunkard, gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money, well thought of by outsiders, dignified, not double-tongued, not greedy? Is he a holder of “the mystery of the faith?”

Although we should not expect perfection, we “should look at the trajectory of their lives.” For instance observe his interaction with the church. McCulley asserts that “watching a man’s commitment to the Bride of Christ is going to help us discern how he will interact with an earthly bride. We can evaluate many things about a man’s character through serving together in church before we invest any of our emotions into a relationship with him.”

Once when praying about a man she found herself attracted to, McCulley was directed to read a passage in Isaiah 32. The passage although is chiefly about the Messiah, it also contrasts a man of noble of character with a scoundrel.

A noble man:
Is a shelter from the wind
Is a refuge from the storm
Is streams of water in the desert
The shadow of a great rock
Makes noble plans
Does noble deeds

The scoundrel:
Speaks folly
Mind is busy with evil
Practices ungodliness
Spreads error concerning the Lord
Makes up evil schemes
Does nothing for the hungry, thirsty

Although it is long, I have include here McCulley’s application of that passage:

“A noble man is a hiding place from the rough elements of life, a man who offers protection and shelter. He does not leave you exposed – either to ridicule or to harm. He is refreshment in a dry place, bringing much encouragement. He flows with streams of living water because he is a man of the Word. He is shade in weariness – reflecting the strength of the Rock, Christ. When a man is making noble plans toward you, he wants to offer you covering. He will offer to serve you, help carry your burdens, and pour the Word into your dry soul. His deeds will be noble, not common. He will show evidences of cherishing you, protecting your boundaries and standards. He won’t touch you like a common object, and he will exert himself to care for you and to notice your needs.”

Thank God for the man of noble character that God has placed in your life! But is he being INTENTIONAL toward you. “[A]n intentional man makes his purposes known. He tells you what he’s doing, and where he’s leading. He is clear about where he wants the relationship to go. When he’s not clear, when he’s not saying anything, when he’s enjoying the friendship but not moving forward – he’s not being intentional. Period. You don’t see noble deeds because he’s not making those noble plans. You may have the greatest friendship in the world, but he’s just hanging out in it. In fact, one man called this half-hearted testing of the water ‘the buddy approach.’”

Some women are content with this “part-time boyfriend,” but McCulley is convinced that it is a dangerous place to be.

1. “For one, I find it challenging to guard my heart and keep my peace before God in these ‘hopeful friendships.’ I’m always in danger of closing my fist-of-demand over the friendship, instead of leaving his friendship in open hands before the Lord.

2. Second, it tempts the men to passivity, in my humble observation. It provides them with the out of “Oh, maybe you misunderstood me, we’re just friends.” If we women would be better about guarding the amount of time and attention invested in these close friendships, we might see our reserve rewarded with pursuit instead of passivity.”

“When is a man interested? When he says so, and his actions back up his words. Anything less is at best merely friendly, and possibly even uncertain or inconsiderate. If he’s a noble man who’s made noble plans, one of his noble deeds is letting you know about it!”

McCulley concludes her column by speaking to the men:

“(A shout out to the guys still reading this column. See? It really does come down to those three little words: TALK. TO. HER. I also hope you are not discouraged by the points above. It’s worth stating again: Perfection is not the standard. We only want to see you taking biblical standards seriously and attempting to apply them in your lives. I often receive letters from guys saying there’s not much material out there for cultivating godliness as a single man. Yes, it does seem that most materials are for single women. Though I do not presume to fill that void – it’s better that you are equipped and discipled by other godly men – I do hope that by eavesdropping here you’ve derived some benefit and have some points to discuss with the guys. We women are praying for you!)”

Amen.

"dating in your mind"

Someone was shocked and slightly amazed by a previous post I made in which I admitted that I had never been on a date. The admission was not one of shame … just a statement. Later, in a conversation with a friend he said that surely it wasn’t because of my lack of being asked. Actually … yes. I can’t say that I’ve ever been intentionally asked on a date. Oh, I’ve eaten dinner with and enjoyed the company of plenty of guy pals but none of them ever intended it to be anything more than hanging out with a friend … or at least I was unaware of it if it was otherwise intended. As a result, my weekends are relatively free to ponder the relationships of others and develop my own theories of courtship. From college to the present, I sit in the gates of the city like philosophers of old and advise any who come to listen to my sage advice. Don’t tell anyone, though, that I’m a quack, having never experienced what I preach about.

As a volunteer at the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, I have a large number of resources at my fingertips to assist me in my research. How would I recognize a man with godly, leadership qualities should I encounter one? How should women encourage men to be the godly leaders they were meant to be? What is a submissive woman? A pile of books was placed in my hands and this weekend I picked one up to answers some of the questions I had been pondering. I eyed it suspiciously … Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? … I was uncertain how this applied to my cause. I don’t want to limit my research to the Single demographic … however, I had been assured that there was much to be gleaned by this gem by Carolyn McCulley. Indeed, I was surprised by the amount of personal conviction handed to me concerning my own single state of affairs. I may have never dated … but that’s not to say that I haven’t dated in my mind.

Elizabeth opens the door and walks into the hall at 11:30 at night. Doors open and eyes peer out to see who just arrived. Soon Elizabeth is surrounded by inquisitive girls from her dormitory hall.

“So … how did your evening with Jake go?!”

“Oh, It was perfect! The two of us had an amazing time together. It felt like a date. It couldn’t have been better.”

Felt like? McCulley warns that if it “feels” like a date and no one has said that it’s a date … then “[i]t’s just two friends hanging out, but one of them wants more.” The danger lies in that while the guy is clear in his own mind concerning his intentions (“just friends”), the woman is not. She’s “dating him in her mind.”

Like a peanut butter sandwich that has all the peanut butter smooshed to one side, McCulley asserts that women have the tendency to “get all clumped up in one corner, distracted by one guy.” When he doesn’t come through to meet our expectations of pursuit, then we are disappointed.

How many times have we witnessed men appear to go through all the motions of dating but never revealing their intentions. They try women on “and then fade away if there wasn’t enough spark to attract them to pursue.” Sometimes this can go on for years between good friends, the men often oblivious to the internal struggle going on in the woman’s heart.

Searching for men of noble character will be addressed later, but for now let us women evaluate our own hearts. Are you dating someone in your mind?

McCulley has laid out a series of questions that may help you understand your own heart.

• Do I talk about him a lot to other people?
• If these other people don’t share my enthusiasm, and even caution me to not cultivate expectations, do I feel deflated and resent their input?
• Am I going to this event or meeting primarily because he will be there?
• Am I distracted in church or small-group meetings because of his presence?
• Do I break other commitments because he’s invited me to do something spontaneously?
• If he doesn’t talk to me or single me out at events, do I go home disappointed?
• Am I jealous of the women he does talk to or serve?
• If he declines one of my invitations, am I tempted to feel rejected?
• When he does pay attention to me, am I so oriented to him in a group setting that I don’t consider the needs of others around me?

Placing such claims on a man is “deadly to our spiritual growth and witness. Because these attachments are one-sided, when the relationship doesn’t occur in the way or time that we want I we usually respond sinfully.

Paul Tripp in his book "Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hand" has mapped out this path of sin. McCulley summarizes his point in this way: “Desire leads to demand, which re-labels itself as a ‘need’ and leads to expectation of fulfillment, which when unmet, leads to disappointment, and thus ends in punishment.” One quote from Tripp’s book resonated particularly with McCulley. “There is a direct relationship between expectation and disappointment, and much of our disappointment in relationships is not because people have actually wronged us, but because they have failed to meet our expectations.” Such a paradigm is not only destructive to our hearts now … but will also carry over to our future marriages. “No husband will meet all of our desires, so we should learn to protect our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus by not indulging this cycle of idolatry.”

So if we find ourselves “dating in our minds,” how do we change? McCulley suggests:

• Prayer: Take your petitions to God, for He’s the only one who can change a man’s heart, and this brings His peace to guard our own hearts.
• Pursuit: It’s not our job as women. Instead, we should have the joy of being pursued.
• Prevent Disappointment: Check yourself before you head down the slippery slope of desires, demands and expectations…When you find yourself closing your fist over good desires and making them demands, stop. Open that clenched fist and hold that desire up in prayer.

Remember, this is not merely a matter of wise living … it’s also a worship issue. McCulley concludes that “[o]ur real motivation for guarding our hearts is to preserve our trusting dependence on God with a peaceful spirit, whether we get married or not.” (Proverbs 4:23)

Click here to read the section about The Danger of Dating In Your Mind.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

what i am going to do after graduation

While babysitting 1 1/2 year old Ian yesterday, I discovered my long lost list of things I hoped to accomplish after I graduated from college. This discovery came in the form of Ian having a jolly time pulling out everything in my wallet ... why not? it was keeping him busy and allowing me to clean out all the junk. The list was compiled during my senior year and edited by a friend of mine one day before art class. So in parentheses are his editorial comments.

So, here it is ... my list of "what I am going to do after graduation" from college. (not in consecutive order)

1. go to Rome
2. get pilot's license
3. learn how to kickbox
4. take swing dancing lessons
5. get a kitten (crossed out)
6. rent an apartment
7. decorate apartment
8. get a job
9. get a Master's degree
10. watch a movie
11. read newspapers, magazines, and books galore
12. listen to CDs
13. visit family in Caifornia, New England, and Germany
14. teach
15. find my own church
16. go to museums
17. get my wisdom teeth out (he didn't think i needed to)
18. get a dog: afghan hound or irish setter (also something he didn't think i needed)
19. paint
20. draw
21. sculpt
22. go to Singapore
23. perform in a play
24. design and sew
25. become a hair stylist
26. go on a date
27. take an oriental cooking class
28. learn a few languages
29. be in a friend's wedding
30. skydive
31. play a game of golf
32. be an extra in a movie
33. full body massage (refer to #26)
34. be a companion for a rich old lady
35. be a storyteller for the public library
36. become an art historian
37. go on a cruise with a friend
38. take singing lessons
39. take up the classical guitar again
40. buy a bikini and wear it ... in my bedroom
41. start TallDoll, Inc.
42. write a book

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Saturday, November 05, 2005

not quite right

Some people go to bars to meet people. I ... I actually entertained the idea of stopping by MacTown some afternoon this week just to hang out. It reminds me of Cheers.

"Hey, how's our favorite tall girl?!"

"Hi, Ward."

"You don't look so good, Christine. Where's that bounce in your step? You okay?"

"Not really," I forced a smile (something I've been doing a lot of lately). "I brought my iBook back. Some of the keys aren't working."

"Here, I'll take it to the back and we'll get Rick to take a look at it."

"Thanks."

I hopped on one of the bar stools next to the window. One of the guys with an Eastern European accent, leaned over the counter. "So, where in Germany did you say you were from?"

"North-central. A little place near Hannover."

"I lived two years in Dusseldorf."

"Ah, yes. Near Essen, ja?"

"Yes, I was a refugee."

"Where are you from?"

"Bosnia."

Rick came out from the back, shaking his head.

"It needs a new keyboard, Christine."

If it HAD been Cheers, I imagine I would have downed a whisky right then. "I need this computer, Rick. What do I need to do?"

"It's no big deal. Really. If I order it right now, it'll be here Monday. Just bring it in then and we'll patch it up."

"How much will it cost me?"

"Not a penny. It's covered by the warranty."

What warranty? They keep telling me that it's covered by the warranty. What warranty? The warranty expired two weeks ago.

I haven't been in such a funk in a long time. I want to laugh again. A real, genuine laugh. Not a tinkling bit of noise to make others think that the world of Christine is just peachy. Man, you should listen to my thoughts. I sound soo selfish. I want to be appreciated, loved, hugged, cared for. Ha, ME! ... me, just imagine ... sniff, wipe ... there's no time for such foolish talk. Ha, and here I was imagining that these Mac guys were my best friends. There's something not quite right going on in my head.

"Bye, Ward!"

"Take care, Christine. See you Monday."