no sex for you

As one who is in the midst of seeking to understand the implications of marital union and childrearing due to my own upcoming wedding ... I have been thinking a lot on the topic of the purpose of marriage and that intimate bond of sexual intercourse.

As all engaged couples do (or ought to do), my fiance and I are discussing plans for our future family. The hows and whens are overwhelming at times.

While still uncertain about my own position, I hold a great respect for those who hold the conviction that each time a couple engages in sexual intimacy they ought to be open to the possibility of God blessing them through the new life of a child as a result.

At the same time, I also respect those who view family planning as a solemn God-given responsibility, putting off having children till they are able to best care for and provide for a family.

I am bothered, however, by a flippancy I have observed in a disturbing trend whether in the world or evangelicalism concerning birth control. Time and again I have encountered couples or individuals who view the blessing of birth as a blight to be prevented with medicine or other means as if it were a disease to be cured.

These persons ARE NOT ready to be parents ... obviously.

And I believe, these persons are not responsible enough to engage in sexual intercourse.

*This is not a condemnation of those couples who as mentioned above have what they view as godly motives for not pursuing the addition of children to their family. Rather, it is a shout of concern toward those who have a false view of God's gifts and selfishly choose childlessness.

sanctification

So many of us know theology so well in our heads but fail miserably when it comes to practically living it. Sanctification is so often ignored. We hesitate to live out what we know of God and what he expects of us because it is easier to think about it than to do it. We become hearers of the Word and not doers.

Do we truly have a grasp of our systematic/biblical theology if we get an F in practical theology?

sweet mother of execution

hey Miss Halfway,

I noticed your comment looking for friends on Mike-the-guy-who-got-his-rib-broken-by-a-girl's blog. I thought I'd come over and say hi.

I was actually talking about this VERY thing with some friends yesterday. Not only do I find the commericialization of this holy day distateful ... but the idea of the CROSS being mass produced into sweet creamy chocolate!!!

really! (disgust)

Chocolate ... to represent that awful tool of execution to kill the Savior of the world .. the Son of God. And putting lovely lilies on it as decoration doesn't make the cross any less horrific. What Christ went through to bring God glory and claim rebellious people to transform their lives that they may also bring God glory ... should never be memorialized in chocolate.

THAT'S distasteful.

(wow .. that turned out to be quite a rant ... eep.)

steeples are to branches as ...

Yes, God elects ... the Holy Spirit quickens the spirit ... and God has chosen to use the church to promote the Gospel. As such, we have the solemn responsibility to use wisdom in our presentation. Assessing one's culture is one method in which Christians take that responsibility seriously.

Why do you protest?

Our missionaries overseas have been doing the same for decades. One hundred years ago, missionaries went to Nigeria to make Christians who fit the mold of their home country's version of cultural Christianity. This proved to be a stumbling block, often being confused with imperialism.

Missionaries learned over time to strip away non-gospel issues from their work with indigenous peoples. Has the gospel changed? Is it so watered down that it is no longer even offensive to the non-elect? Is sin washed over? No, it is still spiritual foolishness to them without the work of God in their lives ... but the missionaries are not adding their own cultural foolishness to it.

Is it practical or appropriate even to ask Nigerians to build a building with a steeple on it in order to have church? Is it proper to require them to wear collared shirts and ties and slacks and shoes when they attend the weekly meetings in the steepled building? Should we set an organ up front and provide Isaac Watts hymnals for everyone?

Are these wrong? No, not for a culture in which they are appropriate.

But for Nigerian believers, these things are unnecessary for gospel promotion.

By allowing Nigerians to wear their native garb, sing praises to God in their native tongue to their native music, meet under a tree or in a home, one is not adjusting the gospel to fit culture.

You are not telling the people "Ah, I understand that animal sacrifice is a part of your culture. Please, continue... You pray to your ancestors? Well, that's fine... You practice homosexuality because that's who you are? No problem."

The Roman Catholic church was notorious for such assimilation of culture into the Gospel ... especially in South America. "This is a legend you have ... well, see, Jesus' mother is sort of like the mother of this god you worship. Just change the names of your gods and it's essentially the same thing."

Or is Christianity the white man's religion?

If we assess culture overseas as missionaries, why then are people wary of doing the same within our own country?

Is the church not to be a missionary in its own community?

Are there areas in the church that are non-gospel issues that the church is clinging to but prove to be merely cultural stumbling blocks to their community truly understanding the Gospel?

Are the people they are trying to reach equating some methods with moralism or "imperialism"?

calvinists, postmodernism, and beer ... oh my!

The title of this post sums up three of the greatest fears SBC leadership are facing. The Baptist Press recently published an article laced with ignorant fear, revealing the efforts to which the leadership are struggling to grasp to their traditions irrelevant to cultures not their own. No wonder the word emerging makes them squirm.

In response, Tom Ascol addresses these concerns here in a helpful post at Founders Ministries Blog.

If you're interested in differing views of the theology of the movement, I recommend reading this (excerpts from the book Listening to the Beliefs of Emerging Churches).

(note: Do not confuse emergent with emerging. Emergent refers to a small group within the Emerging Church Movement that is noted for not embracing orthodox theology.)

the games we play

Is a woman making herself attractive a way of visually tempting her own husband? Is it manipulation? Or is it a way of expressing her love? Well, gentlemen?

Or ... is it manipulating the way many women set rules of play on their relationships? I will only do this, if you treat me like that. We can do this, but that is out of the question. We string them along expecting them to jump through hoops. Changing the rules of play at each twist and turn.

We try to live out a fairytale in our minds in which a knight slays some random dragon or climbs some impossible height for us so that he can *prove* his love ... and then we pout, "But you didn't bring me any flowers back!" We always have them guessing ... a way of exerting power over them ... and then wail our eyes out when they fail to understand our cryptic code.

Wake up! In a relationship there are TWO people involved. ... no SCRATCH THAT ... three, if Jesus Christ is to be the center of your love. It's give and take, ladies and gentleman ... learn to speak the language the other person needs in order to feel loved. Learn to communicate how you desire your significant other to relate to you in a loving manner. Be specific. If your man needs to hear the words, "I love you" but to you that seems like it's not enough. Say it anyway. Express that one statement in a multitude of ways so that he can hear and be affirmed in your love. It is the language he understands. Stop playing games. Communicate and don't hide the answer key.

are modern women too independent?

My girlfriends and I are often flabbergasted at the beautiful, strong, intelligent, witty young women we see around us who desire marriage but are devoid of prospects. We are utterly clueless and unable to understand how scores of godly young men are not clammering for their attention and devotion. For a long time I did not care about my own relationship status, but I was bewildered by the others ... still am.

But a revolutionary thought came to me. Could it have something to do with man's need to be needed? Do they see these talented young women and think ... "Why would she need me? She has it all together"? Then my mind went back to all the girls in college that I had observed: the cute, bubbly type and at times the maiden-in-distress. I scoffed at them before ... but when you think about it ... they were the ones with the boyfriends.

Hmm.

Last week, my pal Jiri, showed me an article from the new periodical Salvo titled "Strike Up the Bond: A Man's Need To Be Needed". Dawn Eden, author of the soon-to-be-published book The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On(Read an exerpt here), describes the phenomenon of rock stars and their groupies. She writes of band members who will often have a different woman waiting for them in each city.

"You can want a man completely, utterly, desperately, longing for him from the depths of your loins. But if you want him to be attached to you, you must require of him in return. For a man to develop a bond, it's not enough that he's adored--he has to be appreciated.

"For all the advances that the feminist movement has created for women in the working world, it's created a terrible damage in the area of relationships. Women are told that self-sufficiency means refusing to allow men the opportunity to do things for them.

"A good man does admire self-sufficiency in a woman. But he admires it even more when that self-sufficient woman has the modesty to admit she needs advice, a shoulder to lean on, or just someone to carry her loaded-down backpack." (p. 45)

Hmm ... I became curious. Was there any truth to this? So I googled the phrase "men need to be needed" (or a similar variation thereof). I came across a number of articles that concurred with such a conclusion. Here is a smattering:

Dateless Women Need To Soften Up

Guys Need To Be Needed

What Men Really Think About Successful, Independent Women

The Different Needs of Men and Women

What Makes a Man Happy In Marriage?

Smart women can intimidate prospective mates

What are your own thoughts or experiences with this phenomenon?

rant

A number of readers have misunderstood the intent of my book (which will *one* day, many years from now, hopefully write itself and get published. I am in need of much more experience and research.)

The intention of my book is not to bag out men for their lack of initiative or leadership ... that's another man's responsibility.

(see Mike's blog)

My goal, however, is to work at rectifying the failures of feminism. Women have retaliated against the abuses of certain men and have easily slipped into the shoes of the abuser. Their weapons of choice are so often their words and attitudes. In their ladies Bible studies they gossip and wail about their husbands’ failures as men, husbands, and fathers. To their faces they disrespect the men they swore to love. In front of their children they belittle their mates.

Rarely do we encourage men ... much less respect them.

I believe that Mike is a better leader in our relationship because I show him respect and trust him and communicate the desire for him to lead and praise him for his achievements.

So this book is intended to be for women by a woman. A way for us to look to the plank in our own eye.

(Begin rant) That being said perhaps men ought to do the same. Looking briefly through the books or articles promoting complimentarianism, the majority of the works are authored by men. How tired I am of wincing at the pounding of fists from men debating women’s roles in the church and home demanding silence and submission! While I respect these men, many of them scholars and pastors, I grow weary of those who wag the finger from the pulpit exhorting women to submit, but overlook the command for men to love.

I would LOVE to see more women stand up for biblical complimentary standards. How much more is a woman struggling to understand God's plan for her life apt to heed the exhortation of another woman who has gone before her!

The problems between men and women in our Christian culture have come about for a multitude of reasons. However, women will not submit only when men start loving them. And men will not love only when women begin to respect them. Let us look to our own house. Women look to your words and attitudes. How you speak about your husband is how others will perceive him. Men cherish your wives as Christ loves the church.

Ephesians 5:22-33
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.


Perhaps when we have removed our own planks, our obedience and love for one another will serve as examples to others spurring them on to holier living.


Philippians 2:1-11
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.