Wednesday, July 26, 2006

advice and encouragement from a college friend

I hope it all works out for you guys. You have been a very upstanding woman and a good role model for other ladies, I would like to say you deserve that but we both know WE don't deserve anything. I do pray that the Lord will reward your journey with an added body who has the same convictions as you, the same desires as you and wants God's will in their lives. I really do pray it works.

Long distance is very hard, but very very very rewarding. If you guys commit like you said you have, you will never regret the hard times that will come. [He and his new wife had a long distance relationship.] We would see each other once every other month if we were lucky, it was actually more once every three months. It isn't quite the same as yours but the fact still holds true, we didn't get to see each other like the conventional dating relationship.

The best part of a long distance relationship is you get to fall in love with the person, not their habits, or their weird ways of doing things, or even the looks (although attraction is must, but that changes as you get to know someone). It is their heart, their soul, and their mind...the same things that never really leave us as we go though life. As long as we walk this earth we will have those three things. Which makes it graet thing to base your relationship on.

One thing I learned was communication is vital. Telephone was a hard way for me to communicate though, but it was vital for her and she was important to me so I learned it, and have never regretted it. Another thing I have learned is to sacrifice daily. I had to give up alot of things in preparing for this realtionship, (ex: time) it to was very important in our relationship. The whole desire of good relationship and hopefully marriage is to become more Christ like and personal sacrifice, which is not a bad thing but a very rewarding thing.

I know I am telling you things you already know, but let me finish with the biggest problems you will face.....yourselves.

First off, people dont support what they can't understand and distance relationship that is based on respect and that is God honoring is one of those things. Alot of people will down it and continually get on your case about it. DON'T give them the listening ear, only those with genuine concerns, no matter how strong you are a continual beating of this will have effects.

As the reltionship, Lord willing, develops be sure to communicate things that are troubling you, what will happen is that if they are not, it hamper your communication causing something that can easy be fixed into something that causes greater damage.

Finally if you truly commit be ready for that commitment to be tested. God-honoring realtionships is something Satan and his cronies want to destroy, because of what it represents. Long distance opens a slew of oppurtunities for them to mess with. Sometimes the commitment is one of the few things to get you though that obstical, don't waver on that.

I read Mike's blog ... some guy saying how it didn't work when they saw each other, that may of happened but it is no wise anything that should be given as wisdom to you two. [He met his wife in college but at the time they were both very different people in looks and personality. When they finally met again it was wonderful ... lilke the final chapter of a suspense novel. Yes ... she was hot ... but he says that by then in was mostly that which glowed from the inside that had won his affection.]

Sorry to be long, but I hope you see it as an encouragement. I wouldn't trade one obstacle, one problem, for anything. Does long distance work for everybdy....no. But those who choose to make it work....it is the greatest thing ever.

May God bless you two on your endevor.

19 comments:

CraigS said...

Hmmm...lots of wisdom in that post. Hard to think of anything to add!

The best bit of dating advice I ever saw was in Josh Harris's book "Boy meets Girl". He said "guard your heart". Just as things can physically go too far while you are dating, they can emotionally go too far as well. Don't let things be too intense at this stage...

Donners said...

Guarding your heart, good advice.

Catherine said...

Possible advantages to long distance (since no one seems to be offering many) include, but are not limited to, the following: fabulous travel opportunities, receiving REAL mail from someone that makes you giggle like a little girl, maintaining strong relationships with your girlfriends while you get to know a guy (instead of inadvertently ditching them while you get all twitterpated), an emphasis on developing great communication with each other, opportunities for creative "dating" (watching the same movie at the same time on opposite sides of the world, etc.), and a several-thousand-mile-wide barrier against falling into physical lust instead of love. An international chastity belt, if you will.

sajini said...

international chastity belt!!! NICE!! Sounds advice... you got some great non judgmental advice CK.. Praise Him for these people!!

Carmen said...

Christine, once agian, i'm so excited for you. I would do the exact same thing...Praying for you both.

Rabby said...

I'm very happy fer you an all. An I will keep you in my prayers an hope this thing with the Aussie goes good.

An now I got to git out a here.

meredith said...

Hey - this is great news! And your friend's advice is spot on. It will work if you both decide it will work. That's sort of the ruling dynamic in marriage anyway. :)

Btw, I am always in favour of a man with an accent! ;)

Justin said...

fabulous travel opportunities?

We have a transpacific relationship. At first, I thought that this might be the case. But of course, you ironically never travel! Not really, because you always go back and forth on exactly the same route. I've done the Pacific Ocean about 8-9 times now, and that’s the only travelling we do. [Bye Sydney Harbour, Ocean, Ocean, Noumea, Ocean, Ocean Ocean, Ocean, Hello LAX].

Am I allowed to offer one thought? Take it slow i.e. don’t make promises, perceived or explicit, until the time is right. And here is the thing: the time has to be, because of the tyranny of distance, slower.

ckhnat said...

tell that to the people on Mike's blog who are naming our CHILDREN!!!

sajini said...

Seriously, chill people!!! Too much pressure!!!

Nixter said...

great advice, I love that book "Boy meets Girl"

Justin said...

tell that to the people on Mike's blog who are naming our CHILDREN!!!

I'm hearing you Christine...I'm hearing you...

{I emailed MJ -- I know something of your situation.]

ckhnat said...

indeed, Justin. I thank you for your guidance.

sajini said...

hold up!! He booked a ticket.. wow... When you seeing the lad??

ckhnat said...

November!

:)

I'm sooo glad he likes to goof off just as much as I do. It'll be a blast!

But he's also keeping me accountable in my studies.

Jonny said...

Oh so it's like a study date? Yeah right.

To be honest, when ever I hear of people hooking up over the internet alarm bells go off. The main problem is you don't get to see each other interact in normal situations. Your letters are edited and show only what you choose.

That was the old days at least. You guys have probably put up enough photos and stories and videos I guess.

But some people go with crazy photos for their blog, when in real life they are not so fun to be around. Or just a different personality.

ckhnat said...

hmm ... soo true, Jonny, soo true.

but i think if i could convince my friends (all of which are not bloggers) ... they could vouch for my personality.

but yeh, that'd be the day.

sajini said...

So it iwllbe a sweet november!! hmm.. I am missing my beau now (sniff sniff)

Priscilla said...

Actually...I'm already impressed with how "real" you are, Christine. The way I figure it, anyone who posts pictures of herself licking her elbow is certainly being herself!

And about the child naming. I apologize...and don't take us seriously. We were all just joking! Right, everyone?