Sunday, June 25, 2006

what men want ...


1. she's hot

2. she enjoys laughing and knows how to make me laugh

3. she is my ally and support when i feel helpless

4. she is ministry-focused ... in her family, personal life, and community

5. she

get ready for this ...

"completes me"

rofl!!!

hash it out for yourselves ... this is sort of a collaborative experiment ...

Mike thinks he knows what women want ...

I think I know what men want.

We want to see if we're right.

68 comments:

G. F. McDowell said...

I'd restate 3 to say, "She respects me."

CraigS said...

What GF said - respect

Chris said...

um ... "ministry-focused"? I could've cared less what my wife did for a living, except that she loves God. Maybe that's just me ...

... and yeah, "respect me" is probably better, but I like "support" too. But you're obviously a woman if you wrote "when I feel helpless" - men don't feel "helpless," we get "frustrated" ...

Bron said...

maybe to "she's hot" you could add "and she thinks I'm hot". I have it from reliable male authority that men feel loved when they are needed and respected, but also when they are wanted. I guess you could express the difference as, women want to be loved, men want to be desired.

But hey, I'm not a guy!

RodeoClown said...

What Bron said.

Ruth said...

Christine - is this list in order??

Anonymous said...

The photo on Mike's website wasn't helpful for me. I struggle with homosexuality.

Anonymous said...

I think u look like Scarlet Johannsen...

John Dekker said...

When you show interest in a girl, and she asks you if you've prayed about this, that's a real turn-on.

As I found out this afternoon.

ckhnat said...

Ruth, most guys i've talked to have honestly confessed that #1 is in fact #1 on their list ... i don't know about the others.

ckhnat said...

smack forehead! --- i KNEW that one about respect! should have worded that one differently. thanks guys.

ckhnat said...

sorry about the previous picture ... it came to my attention that the site it came from was entirely innappropriate.

as for "Miss Practically-Perfect-in-Every-Way" ... i watched this movie almost every day of my life when I was three ... I hate it.

Ruth said...

When you show interest in a girl, and she asks you if you've prayed about this, that's a real turn-on.


JD - that's really sweet.

CraigS said...

As I found out this afternoon.

Hmmm...very interesting JD! Hope it blossoms into something...

CraigS said...

she's hot

I wouldn't put it quite like that. I think sexual attraction is important though.

Was talking about this to my pastor last year, and he (rightly) thought that a valid question to ask of a potential spouse was "would I want to go to bed with this person?"

Anonymous said...

There's a fine line between 'would I want to go to bed with this person' and lust.

The Borg said...

Do you mean, Anon, that considering if you'd go to bed with someone might nearly be thinking lustfully, ergo it's not something you should consider?

The Borg said...

I have a question for the blokes.

In fiction, you might have this playboy type who sleeps with lots of women, but doesn't love any of them. Until he meets a special girl and he falls in love for the first time. Somehow she is different to all the other girls.

Now, of course I'm not saying most men are players (because they're not) but I think it takes a "special girl" for a man to be totally commited and put aside his bachelor ways. (Incidently, if this "special girl" rejects him, he will obsess over her for years and not move on). I think of June Carter in Walk the Line as being that kind of girl for Johnny Cash.

So my question is, what makes this "special girl" special? Being extra beautiful? Having that twinkle in her eye? "Completing" him? (if so, please expand on what that means)

Anonymous said...

No, I mean there is a fine line between thinking about whether you want to go to bed with someone, and wanting to go to bed with someone (ergo lust).

Anonymous said...

I think if anyone looks at a women lustfully he has already commited adultery with her in his heart (Matt 5:28)

Anonymous said...

I think a nice girl is someone who makes a guy feel very happy about being a christian, so in other words supports and encourages him in living as a christian.

G. F. McDowell said...

As far as looks go, I think that something most women don't understand is that often what men find physically attractive about the women they fancy is often not what women think they should be. Let me untangle that verbal knot I just wrote with an example:

There was this cute girl I knew in High School who was exceedingly self-conscious about her big nose. Now, to be fair, her nose was unlike just about any other nose I'd ever seen, it almost resembled a ski jump. Nevertheless, fact is her nose combined with her big brown eyes made her a very, very cute girl, and not just in my eyes. Just because men are visually oriented does not mean that we automatically do an internal calculation of a woman's waist-to-hip-to-chest ratio and base our attraction on that. Of course, there are plenty who do.

G. F. McDowell said...

Oh, and Christine, I was cursed with little twin brothers who watched that movie every day for over a year. I am confident that if someone ever quoted any part of the movie to me, I would immediately recall the following line. And because it's your fault that I now have the stupid song in my head, I'm going to share the love.

I love to laugh... (ah ha ha ha)
long and loud and clear,
I love to laugh... (ah ha ha ha)
It's getting worse every year!

CraigS said...

If such a quality exists in real life, it would be different for every guy.

It seems to be a recurring female fantasy to take a "player" and turn him into a faithful husband. From observation though, a player before marriage will usually be a player after marriage as well.

CraigS said...

There's a fine line between 'would I want to go to bed with this person' and lust.

I disagree.

Anonymous said...

Why do you disagree?





Not all the anonymous' here are the same person.

The Borg said...

As an anonymous, you don't get the privledge of seperate identities.

CraigS said...

Why do you disagree?

Ah, I dont debate anonymous people...

mike said...

I'll take this question up Borg...

"So my question is, what makes this "special girl" special? Being extra beautiful? Having that twinkle in her eye? "Completing" him? (if so, please expand on what that means)"

There have been only three girls I have known who I could say this about. None of them have been ones I have gone out with in an official sense.

I can't really describe it. I guess just clicking on a number of different levels. Maybe dare I say it the "she completes me" thing.

I don't think that it's a totally necessary thing either more a bonus. Maybe I'll post some more thoughts later.

CraigS said...

Mike, if you haven't gone out with these chicks, maybe the "feeling" was largely illusory. Perhaps it would have disolved pretty quickly if you'd been with said chicks in real life, and seen their flaws. It's easier to admire someone from a distance I think.

mike said...

I guess you have a point to a degree.

However I did actually did know these girls well enough in person to know thier faults. In fact they were quite obvious. It's not something I was naieve to.

I do take your point that it's easy to admire a girl from distance. Any personal experiences to share?

Jim the 3rd said...

Julie Andrews - she was smart and sassy!

CraigS said...

I do take your point that it's easy to admire a girl from distance. Any personal experiences to share?

Totally - who hasn't had unrequitted love? It's an adolescent rite-of-passage.

There was a chick when I was 17 I was totally obsessed with. We dated a couple of times, but only as friends. I was totally in love with her for about a year.

We started going to church at the same time as well, but she soon slipped away. It stuck for me.

In hindsight, I know she would have been a terrible partner for me. But at the time I wanted her more than anything in the world...

CraigS said...

Regarding lust, Ruth's Dad has had some helpful things to say on this topic. He wrote a book called Pure Sex which is quite interesting.

But he says (and I agree) that it is perfectly natural for us to feel sexual attraction. It's the way God designed us, and we shouldn't beat ourselves up about it.

(He got a big laugh at the men's convention by saying "If you don't feel it, go and see a doctor, for goodness sake. There is something wrong.")

Lust is something beyond sexual attraction - it is the desire and the willingness to commit sexual immorality with someone.

Chris said...

The "special something" for me (in my wife) was ... is ... sort of ... a "she completes me" sort of gig, except I'd never say she does; she shouldn't. God does.

However, there is a certain amount of completeness there; I've always felt like Liz is my other half. She brings to our marriage the things that I don't, and if I'm not mistaken, I bring things that she doesn't. Our Myers-Briggs scores are exactly opposite. I'm outgoing, she's introverted.

I see the world differently because of Liz; because of her insight, I'm better. We're just better people since we've been together. I think that's the best I can put it. It's mostly an intuitive thing, not quantifiable for the purposes of discussion. But if you're seeing two people who are right for each other, you know (unless you've got some sort of emotional grudge with one or the other, then nobody will ever be ok for them).

The Borg said...

We're just better people since we've been together.

That's awesome! That's the way it should be.

Jonny said...

Hi everyone. I just stopped here to read your comments. I am not going to disagree with anything. Except that there is a passage in the bible (in the middle) that talks about what a good godly woman should be. And get this, she owns property and runs a business.

Giraffe Pen (기린 만년필) said...
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Giraffe Pen (기린 만년필) said...
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just somebody said...

I was wondering what qualities you don't want in a woman. What is it that is a real turn-off? Don't tell me things that she can't change like height or the size of ther nose.

Jonny said...

Well, the physical apprearance is still a big thing I am sorry to say. And things like being overweight are things you can change, although it is hard I know. And being fit changes the rest of your life also. I would tell any potential bride (using the strongest terms without offending), forget the makeup, forget the expensive dress, go for a long run everyday. And stop drinking Coke.

And while on that note, I would also advise all women DO NOT get surgery to change your breast size or cheaks. That is a big turn off. There is always someone that likes them the size they are.

But I am sorry, I understand you want a list of things like nagging, being bossed around etc. In a marriage, women who nag often do so after the man gets lazy and fails in his leadership roll. (Forgets to take out the trash).

The Borg said...

In a marriage, women who nag often do so after the man gets lazy and fails in his leadership roll. (Forgets to take out the trash).

I reckon that's really true. Women get frustrated when a man fails in his leadership role, and so they want to do something about it, so they communicate, and that can turn into nagging (all good things can be corrupted).

just somebody said...

Yes, weight can be changed although basic body type can't. Okay, so you want a woman who takes care of herself but isn't so obsessed that she goes to extreme measures. Stop drinking coke. Is iced tea okay, or coffee? How about dress? Or keeping an orderly home? Do these things count too?

Anonymous said...

No whining.

CraigS said...

Turn offs:

1. Lying
2. Profanity
3. Crudity
4. Sharp tongue
5. Sour disposition
6. Self-absorbed
7. Unconsiderate
8. Poor grooming

Jonny said...

just someone: It's the sugar. If your coffee has 3 sugars it's the same as coke, and if you drink it like it's water your going to get big unless you run a marathon at the same time. I thought this was a simple equation. Ask all the models, they only drink water.

Keeping an orderly home depends more on where you live, it is cultural. Personaly it wouldn't be a big thing for me.

Anonymous said...

Coke is so bad. In fact, so are all soft drinks, unless they're diet.

If you drink a whole buddy sized coke, you're consuming the equivalent energy (which gets converted into fat if you don't burn it) of a large sandwich jam-packed with fillings.

-The Borg

Anonymous said...

Don't diet drinks give you cancer anyway Borg?

Donners said...

Re: diet drinks,

You need to consume a LOT of fake sugar to get cancer.

The tests on rats were based on a large percentage of the rats body weight. I can't remember the exact figures anymore, but me and my dad worked out that you need to drink about 10% of your body weight in fake sugar to get risk cancer...course the tests could be wrong.

Jonny, I would agree with the long run thing. But I also know a lot of guys who would find the make-up, hair and clothes thing pretty important too.

I supppose being healthy and fit is an attractive thing, rather than being 36-24-36 as the 'Violent Femmes' song goes...

I wouldn't know if that's ture, its just what a lot of men have told me.

just somebody said...

Thank you, craigs. Good list to take inventory on. Sad that so many women pride themselves in these tendencies.

ckhnat said...

yea! i'm back! loved the comments everyone!

but guys and gals ... don't slip into this mentality that marriage is a reward for godly living ... singles can be godly, as well ... they aren't broken vessels that require the glue of marriage to be fixed.

that was for free ...

Paul Dame said...

Absolutely!
If it is even possible to be certain about another's salvation, the only person I can think of that is unquestionably a persevering Christ servant is a single man that used to attend my church. You just got the distinct impression that if you took the Gospel away from his personality, nothing would remiain. His cup truely ran over and down the sides. More than my personal mentor, more so even than my pastor, this man was remarkably fixated on his Savior. And the whole of his life, his very being and essence was to proclaim the Good news of the Lord Jesus Christ. He was a faithful servant, and he is dearly missed. He was anything but a broken vessel.

The Borg said...

Does anyone else think that Julie Andrews looks like she's about to undress??

CraigS said...

rofl!!!!

Anonymous said...

They say it's only nagging if she's right...

Anonymous said...

I think it's more important to men that women find them funny than that women are themselves funny. Besides, I don't think girls are that funny...

CraigS said...

Hardly any chicks are *really* funny.

The Borg said...

That's only because you men don't listen to us.

:P

Donners said...

Ha ha! You're hilarious Borg! Much funnier than the guys!

The Borg said...

What a kack! Donners, you're the funniest chick I know. Apart from me.

Donners said...

You know why I think that you don't think we're funny, Craig.

You are so struck by how beautiful we are that you forget to notice how funny we are :)

CraigS said...

You are so struck by how beautiful we are that you forget to notice how funny we are :)

This is absolutely true - you are all very beautiful. (said sincerely)

The Borg said...

Besides, I don't think girls are that funny...

Hardly any chicks are *really* funny.

That's a SCIENTIFIC FACT!

It's due to women's brains being half the size of men's. SCIENTIFIC FACT!

This explains why women lack the ability to think and speak rationally. SCIENTIFIC FACT!

Anonymous said...

I am interest, has God, in His Providence, led anyone to ckhnat who matches your beliefs in a Godly partner? (I would not have a problem with your guidelines. My wife is all of them and more. Yes, she completes me. God in His wisdom knew what I needed, and what she needed too. She is my 'true north', to quote another romantic film.)

ckhnat said...

I KNOW a lot of men who have matched my "beliefs in a Godly parnter." I know that's not what you're asking, anon. However, that's the best I can give you.

Anonymous said...

Just asking out of idle curiosity, thank you for your response. I ended up reading your blog from Mike's blog, which I got to from another blog, from another, and so on. As some one a few years older than, what would appear, most discussing on the blog, who is married and walking with the Lord, I am encouraged to see younger Christians discussing their thoughts on marriage.
I am especially encouraged by your point 4, it was a big aspect for my wife and I coming together.
Stay focussed on the Lord.
God Bless

ckhnat said...

no prob., Anon. Actually, I was asked what the top 5 characteristics godly women want in a godly man. I was tired at the time and could come up with only one really good answer. So I asked Mike what HE thought women want. And he came up with HIS list. Then he asked me what I thought men wanted.

Oh, that's easy.

And I came up with MY list. I'd heard my guy pals mention those things loads of times.

mike said...

There was a considerable ammount of flirting going on at this stage I think...