Wednesday, February 08, 2006

A Day Late and a Dollar Short

Third Scenario: how would you respond?

I’m a guy and have a girl friend who lives in the same building as me, and we hang out a lot. She calls or IMs me every day and tells me everything about her day. It makes me feel really close to her. We’ve been hanging out, doing lunch, dinner, talking, etc., for about two years, and yesterday she told me that she had a date with this new guy that just moved in next door. I was totally shocked. I thought that our friendship was working toward something. Where did I go wrong? Why would she do this to me?

--A Day Late and a Dollar Short

Babble of the Sexes

A Public Rant About Desperate Dating Habits
and the Opposite Sex

February 10, 7 p.m.

Hosted by the witty (and bordering on irreverent) Hayley and Michael DiMarco, best-selling authors of the book "Marriable- Taking the Desperate Out of Dating"

Topics include-

-Shut Up and Be Mysterious
-Nice Guys Really Do Finish Last
-Desperate Lies Women Tell Themselves
-How Being 'Just Friends' Is a Waste of Time
-a lively (and anonymous) Q & A time

Share February 10th at 7 p.m. with your closest single friends and
let Hayley and Michael put you in a festive mood on Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.).

Sponsored by Ninth and O Baptist Church and Hungry Planet
Location: Ninth and O Baptist Church, 4401 Breckenridge LN, Louisville, 40218


CM said...

Simple Answer.

Either make it obvious that you have feelings for her beyond friendship - or continue to sit on your hands.

Why do we make these issues more complicated than they need to be?

Bobby said...

Really. This relationship DID appear to be working toward something -- a strong friendship (friendship, like all relationships, is a process, not just an event-in-time).

Unfortunately, this relationship wasn't REALLY a strong friendship because one person had ulterior motives all along that were either unsuspected or unwanted, or both, by the other person. If this guy wanted something other than friendship, he should have said so.

lindie said...

Two Years? No wonder she went out with another guy!

She gave up on you, buddy.

bethy31 said...

Amen Lindie..that is totally what I was going to write! Two years brother?! Come liked having a girlfriend without the commitment.

ckhnat said...

Actions aren't enough, fellas ... we've got to hear the words. Otherwise, we never know.

ckhnat said...

How many people out there have been in a situation where you've quietly hid your affection for someone for a long time ... only to find out later that that person had a crush on you, as well?

Well, girls aren't meant to pursue. So, many of them quietly observe certain men in their lives and begin to grow in their admiration for them. But they can't do anything about it! oh the FRUSTRATION!

Guys, you ought to feel privileged that you have the power ... nay, responsibility ... to speak up and let your heart be known. If you have evaluated her, found her to be a woman of godly character, beautiful in your eyes on the inside and out, sharing in the same calling. SPEAK UP!!! what are you waiting for?!!

ha ha ... and please ... don't take this as a personal cry for men to "speak up" to me. I'm fine. I'm doing this for my sisters.

Lorie said...

Let's not forget the part the girl played in this. It was WRONG of her to take advantage of that poor soul in that way. No guy invests that much time and energy in a "friendship" with a girl without SOME hope/thought as to someday being more.

As women, we have got to guard men from our own selfish motives. We like "pseudo-dating", and use it to our advantage, just as much as they do.

ckhnat said...

you know ... that's interesting ... so it's okay for the guy to be close to the girl ... but if he doesn't say anything, the girl is at fault for assuming they're friendship is more? But if the girl likes being friends with a guy ... but he assumes that it's more ... and she goes out with some guy ... she's at fault?

hmm ... COMMUNICATION!!! for all we know, she could have liked the guy for 2 years. but all of her friends kept telling her ... "listen, it isn't going anywhere. has he told you that he likes you? has he asked you out on a real date?" ... so ... she attempts to move on. and she decides to tell her good ol' pal about her date ... because he IS only her friend, afterall. otherwise, he would have said something.

the authors said...

Dear Day Late and a Dollar Short,
Do what to you? Wait two years for you to get up the nerve to ask her out on a real date? I think she gave you too much time! Listen, it shouldn’t take two years to decide if you want to ask a girl out. If she was that important to you, you should have made the move and advanced the relationship. As it stands, she probably just considered you another girlfriend she could dump all her emotions on until she found the love of her life. You could have saved yourself a lot of heartache by making a move a year and a half ago instead of continuing to lie to yourself that “these things take time.” Women can’t be put on hold until you are certain they are into you. Your must strike while the iron is hot. Next time, don’t try to protect yourself by being friends first; find out if she likes you by asking her out. The two-year friendship/breakup thing is nothing you want to experience again.


mike said...

I'm glad I acted when I did... I'm starting to realise you have a very high standard for guys (just like you say) and I'm humbled that you choose me to be your boyfriend.

mike said...

Oh I love you :)

mike said...