Duly Convicted

(Trapped in Sarcasm by Charles Degollado)

exerpts from THE SARCASM TRAP
by Randy Foncree

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love shall eat the fruit thereof.

There are many reasons why people use sarcasm. Some individuals use it as a form of intimidation or manipulation; others use as a defense mechanism to hide their true feelings. According to Webster, sarcasm is defined as: The making of agreeably worded, but harsh intended remarks. Sarcasm is a COWARDLY [emphasis added] way to get a point across without directly confronting another person of their behavior, or something done that annoys us. It’s usually laced with a rye sense of humor.

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[example of his boss using sarcasm with him]

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I felt anger and a sense of “belittlement” try to rise up in me. His comment made me feel about two inches tall. It didn’t propel me to change my heart. One can sometimes affect behavior with their sarcasm, but sarcasm will NEVER CHANGE ANOTHER PERSONS'S HEART [emphasis added]. I have a real strong belief in not reacting emotionally because I feel anger, so I was able to forgive him for his sarcastic comment to me....

These are the kind of individuals who use sarcasm as a defense mechanism: a person that lives with someone who has a difficult personality, doesn’t respond to their needs effectively, or that’s the way they’d always seen certain problems handled at home. In extreme cases, CONTROL [emphsis added] is the primary reason for a person’s sarcasm. Every person in this world has legitimate needs, but sarcasm will never be a legitimate way to get those needs met.

Sarcasm is a way to get a point across to another person without directly confronting their behavior, or how their behavior makes us feel. Sarcasm is usually rooted in fear. It is a way to try and eliminate the possibility of someone lashing out in anger, or even rejecting us. It is a way of having a say by belittling someone, or taking the wind out of their sails, and the sarcastic person comes out the victor in the situation. Psychologists would call sarcasm a passive-aggressive behavior. The wound from being the recipient of someone else’s sarcasm is not physical, but emotional and psychological.

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Sarcasm doesn’t draw people, and endear them to us, it embitters and makes them want to repel from the relationship. Sarcasm builds up walls between us and the people we love. It causes others to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around us. Sarcasm is a way of telling others that they’re a fool for not doing something the way we would.

The answer to sarcasm is honesty. Be honest about how we truly feel. If someone consistently does something that annoys us, express how that behavior affects us without attacking him or her. Attacking them will never change the situation, but lovingly confronting this issue and how it affects us will.

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Paul the Apostle said that our love must be without hypocrisy; not fake. It should not be based on our own selfish need with the way we think things should be. Remember, God created everyone different, with our own unique set of personality traits. Allow others to be who God made them, and avoid trying to change that person into our image, and we all can avoid falling into the sarcasm trap.