My girlfriends and I are often flabbergasted at the beautiful, strong, intelligent, witty young women we see around us who desire marriage but are devoid of prospects. We are utterly clueless and unable to understand how scores of godly young men are not clammering for their attention and devotion. For a long time I did not care about my own relationship status, but I was bewildered by the others ... still am.
But a revolutionary thought came to me. Could it have something to do with man's need to be needed? Do they see these talented young women and think ... "Why would she need me? She has it all together"? Then my mind went back to all the girls in college that I had observed: the cute, bubbly type and at times the maiden-in-distress. I scoffed at them before ... but when you think about it ... they were the ones with the boyfriends.
Last week, my pal Jiri, showed me an article from the new periodical Salvo titled "Strike Up the Bond: A Man's Need To Be Needed". Dawn Eden, author of the soon-to-be-published book The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On(Read an exerpt here), describes the phenomenon of rock stars and their groupies. She writes of band members who will often have a different woman waiting for them in each city.
"You can want a man completely, utterly, desperately, longing for him from the depths of your loins. But if you want him to be attached to you, you must require of him in return. For a man to develop a bond, it's not enough that he's adored--he has to be appreciated.
"For all the advances that the feminist movement has created for women in the working world, it's created a terrible damage in the area of relationships. Women are told that self-sufficiency means refusing to allow men the opportunity to do things for them.
"A good man does admire self-sufficiency in a woman. But he admires it even more when that self-sufficient woman has the modesty to admit she needs advice, a shoulder to lean on, or just someone to carry her loaded-down backpack." (p. 45)
Hmm ... I became curious. Was there any truth to this? So I googled the phrase "men need to be needed" (or a similar variation thereof). I came across a number of articles that concurred with such a conclusion. Here is a smattering:
Dateless Women Need To Soften Up
Guys Need To Be Needed
What Men Really Think About Successful, Independent Women
The Different Needs of Men and Women
What Makes a Man Happy In Marriage?
Smart women can intimidate prospective mates
What are your own thoughts or experiences with this phenomenon?