smile or raise an eyebrow

Okay, I’m a sucker for children’s literature. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

“My earlier experiments were all failures. I tried them on guinea-pigs. Some of them only died. Some exploded like little bombs—“ ~ Uncle Andrew

The Magician’s Nephew by C. S. Lewis


“By gum,” said Digory, “don’t I just wish I was big enough to punch your head!” ~to Uncle Andrew

The Magician’s Nephew by C. S. Lewis






So Sir Wilbur and his knights” (all wearing tutus) “rode their trusty fish into battle with the pretzel."

The Undone Fairy Tale by Ian Lendler








“Fairies also hate baths. I’d like to turn my bathwater into strawberry Jell-O. That would be fun! But, I don’t know how yet.”

Alice the Fairy by David Shannon













“The Itsy-Bitsy Spider”

The itsy-bitsy spider
Climbed up the warthog’s snout.
The warthog grabbed a hankie
And tried to blow it out.
The little bloke was blasted
All the way to Spain,
So the itsy-bitsy spider
Did not go there again.

Monster Goose by Judy Sierra







“We could go and live on a desert island,” her father told them all that evening (over a dinner of hamburgers and french fries and little apple-pies with astonishingly hot middles which Lucy’s mother had brought for them when she got back from work). “We could live in a grass hut with grass walls on an island in the middle of the sea, with nothing but goats on the island and nothing but fishes in the sea.”

We could live in a hot-air balloon,” said her mother.

“We could live in a tree-house at the top of a very tall tree,” said her brother.

“Or we could go back and live in our house again,” said Lucy.

“What?” said her father.

“What?” said her mother.

“What?” said her brother.

“What?” said the Queen of Melanesia, who had dropped by to help with the gardening.

The Wolves in the Walls by Neil Gaiman





“THERE he goes again!” the Earthworm cried, speaking for the first time. “He simply cannot stop telling lies about his legs! He doesn’t have anything LIKE a hundred of them! He’s only got forty-two! The trouble is that most people don’t bother to count them. They just take his word. And anyway, there is nothing MARVELOUS, you know, Centipede, about having a lot of legs.”

“Poor fellow,” the Centipede said, whispering in James’s ear. “He’s blind. He can’t see how splendid I look.”

“In my opinion,” the Earthworm said, “the REALLY marvelous thing is to have no legs at all and to be able to walk just the same.”

“You call that WALKING!” cried the Centipede. “You’re a SLITHERER, that’s all you are! You just SLITHER along!”

“I glide,” said the Earthworm primly.

“You are a slimy beast,” answered the Centipede.

“I am NOT a slimy beast,” the Earthworm said. “I am a useful and much loved creature. Ask any gardener you like. And as for you …”

“I am a pest!”

James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl




“…but the noise arose over all and continuously increased. It grew louder—louder—LOUDER! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled. Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God! –no, no! They heard!—they suspected!—they KNEW!—they were making a mockery of my horror!”

“The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe











“It’s not necessarily my duty to sacrifice everything,” the Princess interrupted. “And I have other duties: a Princess says what she thinks. A Princess stands on her own two feet. A Princess stands tall. And she does not betray those who love her.”

“The Princess Who Stood on Her Own Two Feet” by Jeanne Desy


Just as my father applied his eye to the keyhole, the Troll opened its mouth and bit off her head. Then, holding the neck between the bright blue lips, he sucked the bare meat dry. She shriveled, like a squeezed orange, and her heels kicked.

“The Troll” by T. H. White




“My young friend, you shut up,” said the dragon, severely. “Believe me, St. George,” he went on, “there’s nobody in the world I’d sooner oblige than you and this young gentleman here. But the whole thing’s nonsense, and conventionality, and popular thick-headedness. There’s absolutely nothing to fight about, from beginning to end. And anyhow I’m not going to, so that settles it!”

“The Reluctant Dragon” by Kenneth Grahame





“Mummy Boy”

With the other young tots
He only played twice,
An Ancient game of virgin sacrifice.
(But the kids ran away, saying, “You aren’t very nice.”)

by Tim Burton












“Life Story”

Once—but no matter when—
There lived—no matter where—
A man, whose name—but then
I need not that declare.

He—well, he had been born,
And so he was alive;
His age—I details scorn—
Was somethingty and five …

by Anonymous