Thursday, January 05, 2006

mother/daughter IM conversation

Debbie says:
I was thinking about what you said about how you are not a damsel in distress.

I was not either. I was very self-sufficient. As you get older and have the heavy responsibilities of life, you really appreciate more and more the partner that you choose to go through life with because he carries some of the burdens so that you don't have to, and of course, you carry some burdens so that he won't have to.

Life is really hard, and as you face lots of challenges together, you really appreciate that you don't have to carry all the burdens alone.

That is why we really have to evaluate the man the we choose so that we can know that we can really depend on him when things get tough, which they will!

It's not that we can't do everything. It's just that it would really consume us to do everything. That is why God gives us "helpers", and we have to be confident that we are on the same wave-length as our partner so that when we are weak, then we know that he can carry on, and he can also know that he can depend on us.

I am pointing out that even though you are not [a damsel-in-distress], it would benefit you to evaluate potential partners on their ability to handle life situations. Otherwise you could possibly get stuck handling everything for the family, and like I said, being consumed in the process. I am just suggesting that you look for somebody strong and capable in matters that are important to you.

For instance, there are many years of a woman's life where she is totally engrossed with raising children, keeping the home from falling apart, dealing with church and school and community, and she has very little energy for things that she would really like to do. During this time, it is really good to have a man besider her who can handle things--instead of him being another burden on her.

christine says:
yeah, i agree with you ... that's what i want ... i know myself ... like in college how i was the "dependable" one ... and while i enjoyed it ... it took its toll on me and i snapped at one point

i'd hate to do that to the man and children i loved

Debbie says:
So--I didn't really think of it that way before marriage. I just knew I wanted somebody stronger than me because I knew that I was strong. I really like to look up to him. I know that he looks up to me in some areas, and I do the same to him. That makes both of us feel special because we have the respect of the other.

christine says:
well, i'm open to whoever God has for me ... he's going to be great ... while i was watching ice skating the other day it occured to me that i wanted someone who i knew could throw me up in the air and catch me ... if i were to fall backwards, i wouldn't have to fear, because i knew he'd be right behind me and he was strong enough to hold me up

at the same time i want to uphold him when he's tired and discouraged

Debbie says:


Elissa said...

Just keep doing what you are doing, Christina. You are a girl who is on fire for God. If it is God's will for you to marry, He will give you a special grace to handle anything that comes in your life...and the perfect man for you. Just keep forging on, keeping your eyes on Him. Just look at how Jim and Elisabeth Elliott met.

By the way, I really enjoy reading your blogs. (I am a friend of Emily) You have a real grasp on things. Keep it up!

ckhnat said...

oh goodness, you guys, i really hope i haven't led you to believe that i'm complaining or desperate. i write these things because i'm in the social circles of other young women and for some reason i think these things will encourage them to pursue godly living in all areas of their lives. if you think i write about relationship topics too much ... it's because that's what women talk about.

i'm a woman.

men have work, sports, current events and ... well, other things on their mind ... women ... it's all about the relationships in their lives. of course women are interested in those things as well ... but let's say she's not ... let's say, she never in her life once cared about the stock market ... but in order to improve her relationship with the man in her life, she will go to great lengths to learn what she can about it, if it truly interests him. his interests become her interests, she might even watch Bloomberg, hoping to at least glean something by osmosis ... and i would hope that he would do the same.

Love between Christian spouses ought to be one of holy commitment to God and each other. Who was it that said, "Love is a choice"?

ha, i don't write about these things because i'm just dying to get married! i do, however, choose to make my writing personal so that others can relate to my own experiences. my day isn't filled with thoughts of "will Prince Charming ever come and break my spell?" i have my studies, my dreams, my own passions, my art, my books, my friends, my family ... if God sends a fellow along while i'm living my life for Him ... praise God ... and till then, i will write what i feel is relevent to issues that young women face.

to God be the glory.

ckhnat said...

it is interesting, however, that the majority of those who leave comments are men. perhaps they are learning something from our girl-talk. i know i have gleaned much from them.

Elissa said...

Oh, I didn't think you were desperate for a man at all! I can tell that you are not. :)

G. F. McDowell said...

I am not being mean-spirited, but perhaps some people read this blog and think, "the woman doth protest too much."
Being male, I cannot fully understand your battle, but being single and wanting to be married and have children, I feel I can empathize a little. The only woman who has ever been able to directly teach me about being a man was when I read works by Elisabeth Elliot. In that sense, I am afraid the book you are researching has already been written. The very best you can do is to be a woman of God, which definitely seems to be your goal. Keep pressing on.

BTW, I've posted my "obituary" over on my blog. Here's a link to it.

ckhnat said...

my project is not meant for a male audience. the book will be directed at women, encouraging them to pursue biblical womanhood, giving suggestions on how they may exhort the men in their lives to be godly leaders.

the emphasis is not dating relationships nor is it married relationships ... but rather relationships between brothers and sisters in Christ ... in the church, family, society, friendships, etc.

this blog was not created as a springboard for that project. instead, it was a way for my friends to keep up with different events in my life. with family and friends living all over the world, it seemed the best use of my time and theirs ... plus, i can add pictures.

ckhnat said...

you know what i'm protesting ... many things ... but one is women who either give in and "settle" or women that give in to feminist mandates and reverse roles and pursue men.

also ... a preacher i recently listened to said that single women ought to be the soundest sleepers on earth. why should they worry? they're not the ones that harbor the anxiety involved with asking a girl out. fear of rejection isn't likely to be keeping them awake at night. and yet it seems to be the opposite. us girls find ourselves staring at the ceiling after 3 hours of tossing and turning, wondering ... "does he like me?" we loose sleep analyzing every conversation had searching for clues ... wondering how long will this go on.

we have the power of "yes" and of "no." if he hasn't figured out how precious you really are ... he doesn't like you. don't cling to a hope that hasn't manifested any evidence of existing.

(there's nothing like typing to yourself ... talking to yourself is bad enough)

Gumby171 said...

meh, that's what a blog is for. Somehow talking out loud to yourself makes you sound crazy, but when you type in a blog, you're just clarifying your thoughts.

And I know a couple of guys who stay awake at night worrying about the Game of Pursuit, both the analyzing you mention, as well as the decision-making aspect.

And may I ask specificly what you meant by protesting "women who settle"?

ckhnat said...

she is thinking that there's no one else calling? no one else may ever be interested in her. this may be her only chance. sure, why not.

Gumby171 said...

and by protesting that, you instead advocate...

G. F. McDowell said...

aargh! I was afraid this might happen. I was trying to be witty and quote Shakespeare. What I was trying to say was that the more anyone defends himself against a charge, the more guilty he seems to the outside observer. Don't feel you have to make responses such as, "oh goodness, you guys, i really hope i haven't led you to believe that i'm complaining or desperate." when someone challenges you. Just keep doing what you're doing, and don't engage those who would criticize you on those grounds. That was what I was getting at by quoting, "the woman doth protest too much".

G. F. McDowell said...

As far as the book research, I never thought the book itself would be aimed at men, but ultimately its advice is. I think the advice to women in Elisabeth Elliot's Let Me be a Woman, is without peer or major deficiency. I'd almost assume you've read it, and would be fascinated to hear your insights on it. As far as the role of this blog, please pardon me for thinking it was much more than a way for you to keep friends/ family updated. As such I will, in the future, curtail my commenting significantly. My apologies. Press on to the goal!

ckhnat said...

oh no ... you can comment as often as you please. obviously the purpose of the blog has shifted as my audience has increased to include those outside my acquaintance. Yes, I've read Let Me Be a Woman. Believe me, it's among my books used for my research.

Lorie said...

I didn't know you were thinking about writing this book, but you should also read "For Women Only" as part of your research, if you haven't already. It's an interesting book about how women can support and communicate godly love and respect to the men in their lives in ways that matter to men.

ckhnat said...

the book is in my library. i plan on writing a post about it soon.

mike said...

I love you