Friday, December 23, 2005

every kiss begins with Kay ... whatever!

I haven’t watched television in months and while visiting friends here in Savannah, I found myself watching an episode of CSI New York. During a commercial break one of the typical holiday advertisements moved before my eyes on the screen … but this time I found myself leaning forward, mouth opened in anticipation, and then flung myself back onto the couch in exasperation over the woman’s reaction to her husband’s Christmas gift of a diamond bracelet. It was as if she thought it was the best gift he could have given her!

Here’s how the commercial would have gone if it had been filmed in my home seven years from now:

Over the Rhine's Christmas album is playing in the background. The livingroom is full of stacks of books all over the place for lack of room on the bookshelves. A fire is crackling in the fireplace.

The tree is decorated … oh, not in the fashion of home décor catalogues, but in a way that you know the family had fun doing it. A garland strand of popcorn wrapped partially around the tree … okay, maybe we ate more than we put on the string … homemade decorations scattered haphazardly on the branches with no apparent theme or reason to the process or choice of ornaments … and it appears that the tree was an innocent victim caught in the crossfire of a tinsel war.

I’m sitting at the base of the tree with an instruction manual strewn out in front of me with screws sticking out of my mouth as I’m attempting to figure out which part of the tricycle is part B and how in the world I’m going to connect it to part A. (This is the fun part for me … I live for assembling things … why should my three year old have all the pleasure with his new toy!)

My husband who had been secretly working on his own project in the other room comes into view with a tray of two cups of hot tea. Mmmm … he’s the best! I join him on the couch to take a break from manufacturing Jr.’s Christmas gift when from behind his back he takes out a long, narrow box. My heart races … I open the box … almost afraid of what I might find inside.

Gasp … a diamond bracelet … our children peak around the corner to see their mother’s reaction.

The screen then shows the bracelet featured on a bed of black velvet revolving so that viewers can catch the sparkle from all sides along with the price of a mere $899.

I’m speechless … I feel my eyes tearing up and my face getting flushed …

I SNAP! the box shut and slug my beloved in the shoulder … hard!

“What were you thinking?!! I told you just last week that we need a new washer and dryer! I don’t even wear bracelets!!!”

Then Ty Pennington enters the room and takes the box and bracelet from me, puts his hand on my husband’s shoulder (he winces) and tells him that it’s a good thing he got the bracelet from Sears because he can just exchange the bracelet and browse their options of Whirlpool washer-dryer units to replace it with.

(just for the record ... Ty bugs the snot out of me!)

17 comments:

j.ro said...

It gets even worse than that. Apparently you have yet to see the Lexus commercials where one spouse decides to "surprise" the other by buying them a luxury sedan for Christmas! Are you kidding me?! Who buys a car for their wife or their husband behind their back without ever talking to him/her about the financial ramifications?
*sigh* It's ludicrous.

Besides, how are you gonna top a gift like that next year? :)

ckhnat said...

is that the commercial where he parks the car in the living room with a big bow on it and all the wife can say is ... "Where on earth did you find a huge bow like that?!!"

ha ha ... nothing about

1. How did he even get the car in the house.

or

2. Is he crazy?!! I mean it's great and all but have you thought about INSURANCE, GAS, ETC!!!

Stephen Newell said...

BWAHAHAHAHA!

That is hilarious! I'm still laughing 10 minutes later!

But it's true, these Christmas commercials bug me half to death. I'd rather see that old Folgers' coffee commercial--that's a lot more about what Christmas is really about beyond the Jesus thing--family.

Bobby said...

J.Ro said:

"Who buys a car for their wife or their husband behind their back without ever talking to him/her about the financial ramifications?"

They're out there. Trust me. I can attest.

Nadia said...

Once you're married for a year or two, you should ask yourself again how you would feel about getting a diamond bracelet for Christmas. It represents beauty and elegance. Once you've been up to your elbows in sick children, dirty diapers, sinks full of dishes, and load after load of dirty laundry, the last thing you feel is beautiful and elegant and the last thing you want to see under the tree for yourself is a washer and dryer. After the presents are open, your husband is playing with his new stereo equipment and your kid is in the yard on the new tricycle, you can get right the those loads of laundry. I would much rather be given homemade soaps and a promise of some time alone for Christmas, and then say on any given Thursday, be surprised with a new washer and dryer.

ckhnat said...

oh it's not so much the beauty and elegance that I'm turning down. It's the cost. $899?!!! And I should think that by then he'd know that I don't even wear bracelets.

i have girlfriends who insist that their engagement and or wedding ring cost thousands of dollars ... it's a token of how much he really loves her. ergh!!!

Jason said...

Yep... 10 out of 10 jewelry sales reps agree that the cost of the ring represents the husband's love for his wife. Maybe you should tell your friends to ask a couple who's been married for 50+ years what they think about it.

It would be interesting to see statistics on the inflation-adjusted price of a couple's rings and how many years they remain married. I'll bet ya cheaper rings precede far more successful marriages. :)

johne nomad said...

LOL. In the immortal words of Tommy Boy, "That was aaaaaaaaaawesome!" :)

The commercialism & endless attempts to fill an "infinite abyss" with highly overpriced trinkets & other material goods have me looking forward to returning to Asia for my holidays for the next few years!

Regarding the cost of jewelry, my proverb is "wise man becomes missionary & buys his gold & jewels in Thailand while he happens to be there!" :) But the Whirlpool could be a challenge...

Jenn said...

Oh I totally agree with the jewlery commercials. Did you see the two part commercial (I'm not sure which brand) where the guy gets stuck at the airport, and he can't come home fore Christams? Then it says. . . To be continued!!
So I saw the second part. . the wife is all alone, home, all dark, and then some freakin utility snow plower things comes plowing through their driveway. The wife runs out, not even grabbing a jacket, and the husband rushes at her, and shoves a burgundy box in her face.
Oh! How fake! It makes me want to buy jewlery less!

Bobby said...

I trust you've had a great Southern Christmas, Christine. I keep neglecting to say that it was a pleasure to finally meet you the other week when we were moving Nikki out of her/ your apartment.

ckhnat said...

oh, yeah, it was GREAT ... if one considers it "great" to have found out in the past two weeks that everyone is getting married! well, except for J. ... and E. ... and K ... and C and T ... but the number is high ... like, in the double digits, and stuff.

my best friend, for instance, called me on Christmas Day to tell me the good news ... now THAT i was excited about ... but the numbers just kept rolling in ... one after the other ... what do they call it? the domino effect ... "when it rains it pours" ... etc. sigh.

it's been rough the past few days. my pastor's wife even gave me a pep talk. i don't think i'd let on. i just mentioned if she'd heard about A.'s engagement ... oh, and did C. tell her about D.? but somehow ... she knew ... maybe it was because her sons were wondering why i was so quiet after A.'s announcement. when T. left he put his hand on my shoulder, "don't worry, you're day will come." Yeah, T's one to talk ... he's the one who was asking the other day about engagement rings ... does a girl like to be surprised or does she want to pick it out? B ... B. who's probably engaged by now ... asked if i regretted being the "dating nazi" now. (only he can get away with calling me that ... anyone else ... and i'd hit him!) Thank goodness C. kept his thoughts to himself ... now that ... that would be too much to bear.

why now! what gives? is it a government conspiracy?!! is it something in the water? is this normal? everyone ... all at once? it's a bit much.

i'm in no state to write anything for a while ... i'm afraid if i do, it'll be non-productive venting and completely unedifying to anyone. perhaps come New Years.

but till then ... i have a party to plan. after that, i'll come up with something else to keep me busy.

oh yeah, i got a new haircut. a bit drastic ... i know ... but drastic times call for drastic measures.

Bobby said...

I don't think it's unedifying. Conventionally speaking, maybe. But for lonely or hurting people it can be comforting to know that someone else goes through those emotions too. I think one of the worst things we in the Christian community do is to sweep our pain, confusion, doubting, etc. under the rug and pretend like we're always perfectly happy and content.

It sucks to feel like everyone around you is in a state of happily ever after, and you've been left out in the cold. No harm in saying it. It sucks. But hang in there.

Preston said...

Sister, in my opinion, you waste too much energy on these matters. You've already revealed that this is tending toward "non-productive venting and completely unedifying to anyone," so refocus your attention on profitable things.


Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content (Phil 4:11).

Be strong and content in Christ.

Anonymous said...

i don't believe in kissing... ever!

kathy lombardo said...

Hmmmmmmm.....
I agree about the commercials. But, really, I've got to be honest...I don't mind it if my husband buys me nice things, even if it is "our" money. I think of it this way, I wouldn't want my daughter to come home and say, "Mom and Dad, my boyfriend proposed to me and got me this great Ring Pop." Now, don't get me wrong I'm not saying it has to be expensive or anything....but I believe any gift should be bought with thought.
But the commercials are a bit over the top.

Dawn said...

I'm home! :)

Gumby171 said...

What if in the bottom of the jewelry box was a little not that read
"Also reedeemable for the equivalent value at Sears, or your appliace store of choice"
that way, you get that initial thrill and cherishing thought of being treasured with luxiourious and fantastic adronements. But then after the thought and magic of the moment wears off a bit, you both could get realisitic.

But make sure you take a couple pictures of you wearing the necklace first ;)