Monday, February 26, 2007

pride, my constant enemy

It is generally difficult for me to ask, much less accept, the gift of service from another. While I could conjure up grand reasons of false humility, the problem finally settles on my ever-present struggle with pride.

Two weeks ago, I had allowed myself to become overwhelmed with the stress of study, moving, and wedding preparation. In a sinful response, I spoke harshly with Mike. Although I hurt him, he was patient with me and in love asked me to allow him to help me as he could. I fought against the thought of accepting his request, not wanting to admit my own weakness.

As I struggled with my shame, Mike sent me the text to a song I had never heard before. When he asked me if I would read it out loud, I sat there in silence ... physically incapable of making a sound. I only had to glance at the first line and tears clouded my vision. He then proceeded to sing me this beautiful song.

Brother, let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too

We are pilgrims on a journey
We are brothers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christlight for you
In the night-time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear

I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh I'll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through

When we sing to God in heaven
We shall find such harmony
Born of all we've known together
Of Christ's love and agony

Brother, let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too

I am a different woman since I first met Mike. I realize that my sin is not a hidden secret. My sin is more apparent, my pride is my constant enemy, and my tongue seeks to wound the one I love.

Mike has been God's greatest tool these past few months that we've been friends and then lovers to sanctify me. I understand more fully the necessity of daily killing that which is earthly in me as described here in Colossians. Through loving Mike, I learn what it is to love God fully.

In practical ways I am experiencing the theology of sanctification, never content with my present sinful state, always depending on the Holy Spirit's work in my life to make me more like Christ.

With tears, I thank Mike for his love and for allowing God to use him to change me.


mark said...

Yea! So glad someone else understands (re: my recent blog post)

In other news, great to see the inner workings of how Jesus is involved in your relationship with mike!

Bron said...
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Crabby Rangoon said...

I've always loved that song, and it was a great reminder for me this morning--amidst a very, very stressful week for me. I also struggle with sinful pride and I prefer to do things my way without the assitance of others.

I know God will bless your marriage if you keep your focus on Him. Thanks for sharing that really personal post with the world.

Bron said...

Thanks Christine for being so open and honest and sharing an important lesson for me - and I'm sure everyone else too.

One of the hardest things about marriage is that the one you love most, bears the brunt of the very worst of you! Thank God though for faithful spouses who will be patient with us, love us, and gently lead us towards holiness as in Ephesians 5. That's the very best of marriage!

GloryandGrace said...

Goodness, thank you. Coming from the past couple of weeks struggling with some similar issues, this was a significant encouragement to me. Grace and peace to you, my sister, and thank you for articulating so honestly and clearly how the Lord works in and through such relationships--those relationships He Himself ordains and uses directly for our sanctification!

**Do you know the name and artist for that song you quoted?

Nicki said...

Beautiful post Christine, thanks for sharing.

mike said...

That would be The Servant Song (Brother, Let Me Be Your Servant) Words and Music by Richard Gillard

Kelli B said...

i really appreciate you. you have a teachable heart. i admire you and look up to you.

Martha said...

What a beautiful song and testimony.

Will Mike be singing in the wedding?

Donna said...

A hearty "amen" to this post - I couldn't agree more. Praise our Father for loving and patient men of God.