"But I've got to wonder, this pressure doesn't seem to *actually* be from the guy's side, but rather *perceived* to be 'our fault'."
~ Mark
lol ... I was JUST telling a girlfriend of mine this morning that "guys don't seem to get it." We don't wear make-up for men. At least I don't. If anything, it's for ME.
THAT picture wasn't my first try. Probably the last out of 8 or 9 shots. Notice the darker lighting. When I do wear make-up, I do so to enhance, not to cover ... well, except for maybe under the eyes. Think of it like an accessory ... a hand-bag that matches the outfit, if you will.
It's a wonderful thing to affirm a woman of her beauty with and without her make-up. But this idea of whether or not to encourage her to get "gussied up" ... if it is a way for her to express her love to you by (in her mind) making herself attractive for you ... do NOT discourage her.
Every morning I wake up and get ready (after i've said "good night" to Michael) and I try to make myself attractive ... whether it's doing my hair or applying little blush and mascara.
Why? Michael's not here, what does it matter?!
It matters because I'm Michael Jolly's girlfriend. I want people to see me and have a better impression of him because of me. No one here knows him ... but they know me.
How does that apply to the Christian?
Christ is not here. But the world's perception of what Christ (apart from reading Scripture) is like is derived from the Christian.
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22 comments:
I will agree that most guys just don't seem to get it. I wear only mascara as I am one of those lucky ladies with very short, light colored eyelashes. I feel somehow naked without it. I don't wear it for anyone in particular other than myself and even in a crowd of strangers, I prefer to have it on.
Thanks for this post!!
Interesting point, and I think we guys "don't seem to get it" simply because we've never had it explained to us. Leastwise, I've never had any female ever tell me such. Thanks for the clarification.
Wacky, these little internet discussions we get going...
It's nice that you want to look good for your man, thats cool...
Not sure that makeup is speciffically the point rather the effort made. Which I greatly appreciate. I think I'll have to make more of an effort.. to dress for Christine.. not that I'm a total dag. Perhaps more shirts with "popped collars".
lol! ... indeed, Nixter. This isn't my prescription for all women to show love to their man. It's just a way I've chosen to show my love. ; ) ... of course character is important, too. I totally agree.
I've seen make-up done well...and I've seen it done poorly. When a woman looks like a raccoon...or her face is a totally different skin tone than the rest of her...something's amiss!
I've never worn a lot of make-up...but some. A lot of times not any. But I've noticed something.......I don't look like I'm 25 anymore!!!!!! (or even 30 for that matter!) I'm getting older now and I am going through my own crisis of sorts.
Whatever you do, men. Make sure you encourage your women. Compliment them. Tell them they are beautiful. If you don't think they are, I'm sure you can think of something complimentary to say. It gives women a boost. My husband has never been good about this. I'm not bad mouthing him, because he is a very good and godly man. But, take it from me, men. This is very important!
I want you to know that I didn't come up with an anonymous handle to hide...I did it out of respect for my husband.
I like this follow up post. Good connection, my friend.
As long as people take baths or showers regularly and have a neat appearance, I'm satisfied. haha...
Totally off topic, but I have a link for you: http://boundless.typepad.com/blog/2006/09/do_men_need_wom.html Wasn't sure if you'd seen this, Christine. A friend emailed it to me after I sent her that article you wrote on the subject.
I'm going to go against the grain a bit here and say I quite like it when a girl is nicely made up...
Wow! Makin it to the Focus on the Family blog. Impressive.
Now Christine,
Are you sure you really wear make-up because your are Mike Jolly's girlfriend? 7 or 8 months ago you didn't know he existed> Did you wear make-up then? Why? It is ok to just want to look your best, you know.
Oh never mind. I just reread it more closely. I see your second paragraph. Forgive me.
Craig, I think most men do.
Thanks Chris for the link--I didn't know Boundless had a blog. Good to know!
It matters because I'm Michael Jolly's girlfriend. I want people to see me and have a better impression of him because of me. No one here knows him ... but they know me
I agree with Nix on this. I'm not entirely sure how I see your efforts to look attractive and beautiful as a reflection on your boyfriend? Surely if people you meet are going to be impressed by him through you then it should be through your character, your personality and your godliness rather than your external appearance?
Don't hear me saying that we shouldn't wear make-up or appreciate beauty- because that's not my point (I personally tend to wear a light layer of foundation nearly everyday after all!).
But 1 Peter 3 certainly seems to say that the adorning of a godly woman is not external, but rather internal which leads to godly conduct (with submission in the context of marriage being a big part of that). In fact Peter goes so far to say that a woman's adorning should not be external (3:3)
I think there is a bigger issue lurking in the background in discussions like this, and that is what the christian attitude towards physical beauty should be. I've just posted about this on my blog (and have used your comment above as an illustration - I hope you don't mind!). I'd value any input you or your readers might have.
URL:http://wellillbeblogged.typepad.com/blog/2006/09/the_ugly_swan_a.html
Ooops!
The end of that URL should be
the_ugly_swan_a.html
I think (and correct me if I'm coming at this the wrong way) the real issue behind this post about makeup has to do with the inner beauty that is enhanced by that which is external. I fully encourage and support what Christine has said in this post because it's true, and, coming from my own experience and perspective, there is something about carrying/presenting yourself as a woman of godly character that can be seen by others both internally AND externally, which sheds light on the godly man with whom you are in a relationship. --I'm trying to pinpoint what I'm trying to get at, and feel like I'm failing miserably-- No, the beauty of a godly woman is not defined by external qualities, but I think the external can reflect that which is internal. There is something to be said about a woman who takes care of herself, showing others externally that she is confident, not as a prideful, independent woman, but as one who is of a gentle and quiet spirit, created in the image of God. Christine's comment regarding how she represents both herself and her boyfriend doesn't come across as her placing value in makeup itself. I wear plenty of makeup myself, but the makeup isn't what matters. I have learned that what matters is taking care of yourself and showing yourself to be a woman of virtue. The external care and beauty of a woman can shed light on her inner heart while simultaneously complementing the man she is in relationship with both when he is present and in his absence.
Indeed, GandG. You said it better than I could. If Christians walked around as slobs (i.e. unhygenic and tattered clothing), would the world look on Christ in a favorable light. Why? Shouldn't it be their words and actions that point people to the Messiah. Absopossilutely! However, a person's appearance gives a first impression. There's a whole debate concerning aesthetics and beauty and like Dani said ... how ought the Christian perceive and promote beauty and to what extent?
My motive is not to draw attention to myself when I dress up or put on make-up or curl my hair. I am a representative ... a representative of Jesus Christ ... and Mike. Before a person knows me, they see me. I hope my outward appearance reflects what's in my heart: a godly woman who is in love with a wonderful man.
Is this judging women who do not wear make-up? In theh language of Paul ... "God forbid!" The title of this post is "why I wear make-up" ... I ... it's a way I show my love. I'm a very visual person. My pals and I in college were art students. We tended to express ourselves not only on canvas but in also in our appearance.
If you are a woman who does not wear make-up and you express yourself in other ways. Wonderful! Feel free to share. Everyone has a different love language.
It seams to me this make-up thing is a big cultural issue, which is very subjective. And like fashion, there is no wrong or right to take a solid reference from.
When I was in high school no one was allowed to wear makeup.
I saw on TV some American lady had got her make-up permanently tattooed into her face, to save time putting it on and off everyday. She wanted to sue because it was crooked. For many of us it would be another "only in America" incident. Wrong in so many ways I don't know where to start.
no SERIOUSLY!!! there was this little shop near the train station in the town where my parents live (in Germany) that specialized in "permanent make-up". At the time, I thought it was an "only in Germany" thing.
Is there an objective standard of what passes for appropriate? Our children and teens are ruled by the fashion of the day--is there something wrong with the sloppy look, torn jeans, wearing athletic wear and flip flops everywhere, etc. etc.? What sort of impression do we get of teens who dress like this? And what do we think of their parents?
I think there is something to be said for dressing well not only for one's self and for others, whether it be to please him as a spouse or to show respect to one's parents, and so on...
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