Thursday, October 13, 2005

i am not a fascist feminist

I am terribly distressed by the apparent legacy I have left behind me in Savannah. Am I truly remembered as "The Dating Nazi"?!! God forgive me for leading anyone astray unknowingly! God forgive me for boasting in my independence to the point that young girls reject the blessings that marriage offers. God forgive me for my sarcasm mistaken for cynicism. God teach me to be an example of godly womanhood, full of goodness, kind words, graciousness, and encouragement so that I may not be so terribly misunderstood again. I am grieved by my sin ... Father forgive me ... shape and mold me ... be the Lord of my tongue.


ckhnat said...

The Dating Nazi. This term really distresses me. I became known among the youth at Southside as someone hardened towards matters of love. A complete misunderstanding of my true intent. I fear my that my attitude has been mistaken for that of feminist, dislike of men, and elitist. Instead, I merely desired that they would pursue a godly path towards marriage rather than meddling in the realm of dating to please themselves.

I desire that God would use us, however, to be a godly example to others. To pursue his blessing of marriage in a way that glorifies him, rather than merely satisfying our own carnal desires. Let us pursue friendships with other godly men and women. And when we discover that one of those friends is somehow special, let us engage in a relationship of purpose with the goal of a God-centered union in mind. May our love for our future mates be selfless and pure, like the Bride (the church) loves Christ, her bridegroom.

Jonathan said...

What sparked you to write this? Did reflection on your time there lead you to believe that this needed to be said, or did a conversation with someone in your wake burden you?

Maybe this question is too personal. If so, I apologize.

Jonathan said...

I think you may be missing something very important here, Christine. Actually, I wouldn't say missing, but I'd say misrepresenting. You seem to express a view of marriage as one that can either a.)Glorify God or b.)fulfill carnal desires. I do not see that these two are mutually exclusive, however. I believe that a healthy marriage will do absolutely both. Gen 2:18-24 - God created us to desire a union to another person, so by finding a life mate, we not only glorify Him by acting as a reflection of Christ and the Church, but we also fulfill a God-given "carnal desire".

I understand the importance of not living for our flesh, but we don't have to deny human/earthly pleasure that can coexist with and even more greatly reflect God's glory.

ckhnat said...

no no ... i agree, jonathan. I believe marriage to be a wonderful context for emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical passion.

My desire is for people (particularly teenagers) to obtain a view of dating (courtship, whatever) that glorifies God rather than self. So many want a boyfriend or girlfriend just to hang out with or "make out" with Friday night. So many feel that a significant other defines who they are as a person. Many bemoan the fact that they don't have a date, yet again. Why? Why do they want a date? To make them feel better about themselves?

May our pursuit of our future lover be an intentional one so that in the end the prize may be everlasting as both combine to form one, spurring each other on in their path of sanctification, as together they become more like Christ. My desire is to be so intertwined with the life of my lover that my purpose becomes to serve and aid him as he becomes the man God wants him to be. To leave him would bring the pain of tearing our flesh in two.

Once I attempted to explain this to a friend and she did not grasp the love behind it ... she imagined that I was talking of a business partnership.

Oh, but it's so much more. Together we will run the race God has set before us. As he runs, I will hold out water for him to drink. As he stumbles, I will be there to help him up. As he climbs, I will be hold his ropes. As he succeeds I will be there in his arms rejoicing in our victories.

leslie said...

this is my short answer:

I think we (singles) can all go around saying things like, this model of dating is better than this one, but you know what? When it happens, it happens. I know awesome godly people who had horrible dating relationships with their now spouses. Now their marriage is awesome! I know other people who have not-so-great marriages that "courted." I think it's hard to say for our standpoint that we're only going to follow this model or this model, some people will, but I probably won't.

ckhnat said...

again ... i agree ... i don't think i'm promoting a certain method ... but merely awakening a desire to make God Lord of our lives in all areas ... even romance.

is that wrong?

Tom said...

Not wrong at all, it may be how you are representing it that could be throwing some folks off......but putting God in all areas in cluding romance.....yes this is a very valid point. It is one that I am trying to look at in greater detail as not only myself but I have seen so many godless romances and see where they all ended up. All that to say yeah I belive you have a very good point, it just may be how it's delivered.

ckhnat said...

i concede. you are correct. i'm sure that i have come across as abrasive. God forgive me. This is what i seek to change ... especially in my own actions.

i have never counciled a young person to embrace my own way of thought on how things should be done. but i've always been very honest when asked my opinion. i never wanted to get across that my way is the best way, God's way, and that it should be embraced by all. i fully recognize that God uses different circumstances to bring two people together.

i repent, however, of my actions and words that led people astray. many young girls looked up to me ... and as i was spouting out my philosophies of life ... unknowingly these young minds were making them their own and taking them to new levels. God forgive me. i never meant to influence them that way.

Carmen said...

Wow,'stine, I'm sorry I brought this whole issue to light. Yeah, i'll admit, sometimes people here thought you were completely cynical towards men, relationships, ect. But those who really knew you knew better. The ones you left a legacy to know better. The ones to whom it really mattered, they knew better. And I'll do my best down here to clarify the issue! Love ya.

leslie said...

I think it's great that you and others, like myself want to have a more Christ-centered approach towards guy/girl relationships.
I, too, have often been misunderstood, so I totally empathize with you.

I really can't wait until I get to Southern, so I can meet you. Nikki's said great things about you!!

bethy31 said...

And I definitely don't think it is just teenagers who are dating in order to please themselves or feel better about their life...for sure.

bethy31 said...

And..I think your profile picture is one of the most bautiful I've ever seen....I know that's an odd comment.but just had to say it!

Anonymous said...


I simply want to affirm your stance and your representation of that stance. By nature, when we hear a "new philosophy" we tend to exagerate it to a level the author never intended. This exageration increases when the "new philosophy" convicts/confronts us. Press on in your instruction to youth to seek God's glory and the good of fellow believers in all areas of life...especially dating!

Concerning Jonathan's comment, it is quite evident that you spend time with David. However, your logic is a bit flawed. Your formula is correct, but the way you "plugged in" the data (1) misrepresents Christine and (2) is not conclusive.

Just a helpful hint since you are learning to learn and reason. Be blessed my friend

Jonathan said...

To Anonymous: all I have to say to that is this: you provided nothing but an ad hominem attack on my argument. I don't understand your intentions of that last post, but it was not edifying in any way. Please elaborate.

Furthermore, if you're going to make an argument like that, identify yourself.

forest said...

if you're the female dating nazi, i'm your male counterpart, unintentionally of course. i'm not quite as apologetic as you are - i think you've always been relatively clear about where you stand - that you're not against relationships, just godless ones. Well, there you go. it's pretty simple, it's just how many godly relationships are there? So, of course, you appear anti-relationship. i'm right there with you sister. show me a decent relationship and i'll show you a true rarity.

Jonathan said...

First of all, and to the readers as well, I'd like to apologize if I portrayed myself in a way that seemed to be attacking towards Christine - I heartily agree with everything she's saying, and in my comment I was merely trying to "elaborate" on what she said, not refute or contradict it. In doing so I was asking for an explanation, which she gave.

To anonymous: you felt the need to "defend" her apparently, so I wanted to say that, again, I apologize if my statement appeared to be an attack. It was by no means meant that way.

To Christine Specifically;

It seems that you have a lot on your mind, and I'd like to help in any way I can. I've given a lot of thought to what you asked me to consider - and I can post it in a blog post, or if you'd like, you can just email me from my blog and I'll send it to you (I'm trying to compile my thoughts on Word - you said you're writing a book, right?)

pink pixie said...

dear blue, we have all been misread or misjudged at some time. those who truly know and love you know your heart. as your best friend, i can honestly say i have never heard you say anything that would have earned the title of "dating nazi". i understand you, i understand that your desire is to please Christ and not date for dating's sake. we have all mispoken, and for that you may feel the need to apologize, but for your beliefs no apology is necessary.

Charis said...

Your word pictures of your desired role as a true help meet to her husband are beautiful. Years ago in a journal, I wrote thoughts that reminded me closely of yours. The picture of being that one face in the crowd that, tuned in, cheers him on through life's unpredictabilities. The one on earth who spurs him on when anyone else could care less.

I want him, when he's hurt or humiliated by failure, to find that my steady gaze speaks belief once again.

Thank you for reminding me again, Christine. The stance isn't popular. But I don't think it could more closely align with God's dream for us as women should we marry.

Tom said...

Dont give up, you have an honorable message to talk about. Hopefully one day you can speak of this message without it being taken incorrectly.

lcp said...

Christine...we are more alike than we know. I too have been accused of being the Dating Nazi from time to time. This summer I taught a session for girls on pure relationships. The camp where I work takes a very strong stance on teenage relationships and dating only when pursuing marriage, etc. Anyway, I went through a lot of "soul-searching" on the matter because I was once accused by a parent as being anti-marriage. I totally sympathize. We should set aside a time to talk sometime after you get back.

The hall is keeping you in our prayers!

curious servant said...

You are sparking some great dialogue here!