The following are key passages from Sacred Influence, Chapter 2
The Strength of a Godly Woman
Becoming Strong Enough to Address Your Husband’s “Functional Fixedness”
Dr. Melody Rhode – functional fixedness – men’s reluctance to change; men don’t normally change if what they’ve been doing seems to be working for them. (29)
You have to be willing to create an environment in which the status quo becomes more painful than the experience of positive change. (30)
If you can stand strong and secure in your identity and in your relationship with Christ, courageously making it clear how you will and will not be treated, you will be amazed to see how the respect you show yourself rubs off on your husband. (32)
When a woman stands up and says, “This will affect our relationship and my view of you,” most men will at least start listening. (32)
God’s provision and strength will help you face the consequences of obedience. God won’t leave you alone, regardless of what happens. God, not your marital status, defines your life. (32)
Melody – “A woman’s power needs to be surrendered to God and used for his purposes, not our own.” (33)
Fear gives birth to paralysis – and sometimes inaction is our greatest enemy. Marriages can slowly die from years of apathy. (34)
Deuteronomy 31:8
It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."
We have to make deliberate choices; we have to be active and confront the weaknesses we see in ourselves and in each other. (36)
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5 comments:
can I have some context, cuz it sounds somewhere between "how to manipulate yer man into action" and "how to fix yer man who won't admit he needs fixin'".
Now, I understand the dilemma, and can't say I have any immediate solutions, but I'm willing to hear a nice dialog/more info about a given situation/context to help in giving a solution (at least, more of a solution than "pray for him" which is all you poor women every hear!)
Indeed, Mark. Thomas affirms that "True biblical prayer ... involves receiving our marching orders and then ACTING on them."
Stay tuned and I will post more tidbits.
I would suggest that the idea is more how to "motivate" or "influence" your man ... the subtitle of the book is: What a Man Needs From His Wife to be the Husband She Wants
Is the book aimed at both men and women Christine, or is it pretty much addressed to women?
Good question bron... Cuz for me n carmen, my growth(or lack therein, either actuaal or desire to) is part of the deepening of our relationship..
There's 9 logical options for desire to change & what to change into(Christ or otherwise) between a couple. Talking thru each with honesty, without assumption and with confidence (personal and towards her husband founded in Christ) it seems like the best route.
But then the method can tank.. unrealistic expectations(unsubmitted expectations), lack of personal wholeness(addictions) can all kill it.
So my hope is that the book would focus on knowing him and knowing God more than 'labelling and appplying technique' to him like a problem or animal.
you hit it on the nose, mark. that is precisely what the book is about. it most definitely isn't a step by step program on how to change your man.
It is a submission to become what God desires you to be, and coming alongside your husband to also be what God wants him to be.
Bron - the audience is understood to be women. Although the counsel given can apply to any relationship, the author hopes to benefit women in difficult marriages.
Respect is a theme throughout. Not only understanding one's own position before God. But also how to communicate respect to husbands in a way that they as men can appreciate and understand.
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