Wednesday, December 07, 2005

the three questions

scenario 1

Every seventh grade class has a Jeffery. You know, the shortest kid in the class who is brimming with personality! The first day of school when Miss Hnat walked into the classroom all the students stared. Inevitably, Jeffery raised his hand unable to contain it any longer. "Miss Hnat, ... ?"

scenario 2

As I was walking with some of the picnic food to the park tables to join my friends, I was stopped by a woman. She had to ask me, "...?"

scenario 3

The guy behind the counter at the One Stop Wireless stepped around to the front of the counter to explain my new contract to me. His eyes immediately went down to my feet, which prompted him to ask, "...?"

What did the people in each scenario ask me?


kathy lombardo said...

Scenario One: "Miss Hnat, how tall are you?"

Scenario Two: "Ma'am, do you always wear green? I've seen you a number of times here in the park and it seems as though you always have something green that your favorite color?"

Scenario Three: "You're wearing heels. That's odd...I'd expect you to be wearing sneakers because you've been running through my mind all day."
Scenario Three (option two): "How 'bout you and your trendy European shoes join me and my Zack Morris phone for a picnic later?"
Scenario Three (option three): "My name is Mike but you can call me Anonymous."

lcp said...

GREAT, well, questions!

Donna said...

Jeffrey: "Weren't you that girl in the movie 'The Horse Whisperer'?"

Woman: "Oh my goodness! Scarlett Johansson - here in Louisville!! Can I get your autograph??"

Cell Phone Guy: "Miss Johansson, I would have imagined you to be a 'perky pumps' kind of girl."

*grin* Seriously, every time I see your picture you remind me of her - take it as a compliment, for I mean it as such. :)

erin said...

1:Are you always going to be the last one to class?

ckhnat said...

ha ha ... these are situations which I have actually encountered. I'm just curious to see if you can come up with better questions than these people did.

Donna, you're nuts. There's no way I look like Scarlett Johansson. I'm not puckering my lips enough!

N said...

kid. why are you wearing bright red shoes?

woman. why are you wearing bright red shoes and a derby hat?

man. why are you wearing bright red shoes and a derby hat and that antique parasol inside the store on a sunny day?

ckhnat said...

ha ha ha ... as if i would let anyone catch me wearing my bright red shoes out in public! craziness.

thank you for all your lovely comments, N. you have intrigued me. not only because your comments are registered as having been left around 4 in the morning, but also because i sense someone of a kindred mind. bravo for putting thoughts into words that i, myself, could not have expressed.

Heather said...

Student: "Pardon our staring, Miss Hnat, but I know we've all got the same question--why exactly did you decide to bring a llama in a tweed suit to school with you today?"

Woman in the park: "Have you ever considered modeling? Elbow modeling, I mean... Because I notice you have fantastic elbow curvature, and I would simply love to show that off in the new issue of Overlooked and Underappreciated Body Parts Monthly."

Man in the store: " know, the chance that we'd be wearing the EXACT same shoes has got to be about a billion to one..."

ckhnat said...

that's why i adore you, heather! you purposefully ignore the obvious and embrace satirical fantasy. give my greetings to Iowa.

ckhnat said...

scenario 1

This has happened to me a few times in a classroom setting. But Jeffrey sticks out most in my mind.

"Miss Hnat, what's your favorite animal?"

"Why, a giraffe, of course," i said with a twinkle in my eye.

The class burst out into giggles.

"Miss Hnat, is it because you're so tall?"


"Do ... do you play basketball, Miss Hnat?"

I walked up to Jeffery's desk and lowered myself to his level, mischief gleaming from my eyes.

"No, Jeffery. Do you play miniature golf?"

The class roared with laughter. But the joke seemed to have been missed by Jeffery.

"Yes, sometimes my dad takes me and my friends to play."

A classmate leaned over to Jeffrey and whispered that she would explain the joke to him at lunch.

ckhnat said...

anyone else want to make any guesses on 2 and 3?

ckhnat said...

hmm ... i guess not.

scenario number zwei:

I was walking through the park when a woman approached me.

"Are you here to play volleyball with your friends?"

odd question.

"No. I'm here for a picnic. Oh, you must have thought ... because of my clothes ... no, no, actually, I don't play."

"No? What about basketball?"

Oh no. Was she really doing this to me?!!

"Actually ma'am, I don't play either sport. I know it's odd but it's sort of a personal issue against ... well, the world. People constantly ask me if I play basketball, if not, do I play volleyball. So, in order to spite the entire world, and deprive the United States of America of her glorious chances of winning the gold at the Olympics for Women's Basketball, I obstain."

"Oh, well then. Surely you model."

Sigh and slap self on forehead. I should have just covered all three questions in one shot. I knew it was coming.

"No, ma'am. You know, just because I'm tall doesn't automatically make me model material. Besides, I'm not a fan of the lifestyle that seems to coincide with modelling. You know ... drugs, smoking, immoral sexual behavior..."

"Actually, I'm with the modelling agency here in town."

"ohhh ... you are?" (Did I just squeak?!!)

"Here's my card. Get your mom to drive you by sometime and we can set up an interview if you like. It's not all that you think it is ..."

"Um ... why would I need to bring my mother?"

"So she can sign any papers with you. Anyone underage has to have parental concent."

"How old do you think I am?"

Her eyes got big ... "16?!!"

I burst out into laughter ... no wonder she had been talking down to me the entire time!

"No no no ... ha ha ha ... I'm 22."

After getting over her mistake she continued to try to get me to stop by the agency. But I was still so amused with her statement ... 16?!! ...

Natalie said...

That's so great! I'm 5' 10" - have been since junior high. I've given the same answers to people, except the part about the olympics, though I probably at least subconciously deprive the world of my athletics out of spite. And like I tell my groom, "Just because I'm the only one who can reach the ceiling fan doesn't mean I should have to change the light bulb ever time!"

ckhnat said...

scenario number drei:

The fellow stepped around the counter ... and he must have stepped down a step or two as well ... because from this angle he appeared much shorter than before.

His eyes went to my feet and then he stared up at me, incredulous.

"Is it really necessary for you to be wearing heels?!!"

what do you think about tall women and heels?

Donna said...

LOL - Christine, I know what you mean. I'm only 5'9" but I used to get comments like that all the time.

The funniest one I remember is walking into one of the vice principle's offices my sophomore year (I was transferring in one month into the semester). The vice principle met me at the door (who was somewhat shorter than me), and the first thing he said was, "Well, YOU sure are a tall glass of water... *eagerly* you play basketball?" I quickly squelched his dream of having a new forward for the basketball team. I guess it's just part of growing up in KY... they take their basketball seriously here.

Anonymous said...

i got scouted from a modeling agency once. it was at the beach.

Gumby171 said...

Yeah I get that "Do/did you play basketball?" question all the time. Usually I respond with an emphatic
"No way! I'm a wrestler." As there was much tension in my high school between the two gym-sharing sports.

But the looks I get when I see people trying to imagine this almost awkwardly tall guy as a wrestler, would be far outweighed by the expressions if I was of the fairer sex as well

Gumby171 said...

And I'm definitely going to be using that "miniature golf" line next time!

The Borg said...

Christine, I loved how you teased that kid in your class. Wish I'd had a teacher like you. Instead, I was the one who had to do the teasing, ergo I go in trouble.

For scenario 3 I just thought maybe the guy in the shop just had poor social skills. I'd ask him why on earth is he still using a brick from the 80's as a phone.

Donners said...

I'm only 5 foot 7 but a lot of my friends are really little, my best friend is only 5 foot four. I like being taller because I can pick her up!

Tall women in heels look awesome, in the sense that they look great but also awe inspiring. I think it;s great you have the confidence.

The guy probably didn;t like feeling small, sucks to him... :)

Sixteen, I was getting mistaken for a 17 year old last year ( 10 years younger than I am) until the cares of the world started to show...(sniff)

ckhnat said...

I was really into this one guy and he was my height ... okay, maybe 1 cm shorter ... we were "only" friends and he never said anything about me wearing heels. I just never wore them around him.

Not because he didn't like it.

But because *I* didn't like it.

It made me feel uncomfortable.

So I swore off of heels (except for Wednesdays ... Wednesdays were heel days because I knew I wouldn't see him around.)

Donners said...


Im like how heels work but I feel self conscious in them, I need more practise... I have one beautiful pair I wore to my brother-in-laws wedding, the other ones are just black with a kitten heel...

Weirdly, even though my luke is talelr than me by three inches, It feels strange to be so tall next to him in heels....he likes it though...( still shorter than him even then..)