lacking in grace

I want to apologize for my tone in the recent post "no sex for you".

It was an example of a common criticism I receive:

"Christine, you are too dogmatic in some of your principles, especially since you have yet to experience the complexities of marriage, sex, family, etc. Your statements often lack grace."

While I believe it is good and proper to formulate positions of such important issues prior to experiencing them first-hand so that one may be prepared to respond to situations in a God-glorifying manner ... the way in which we communicate our positions must show grace.

My views may be too simple ... one-sided ... it is easy to stand on a box and shout theory ... but I hope that as these complexities loom on the horizon I would bathe my theories in prayer and humility, approaching trials and testings leaning on Christ rather than my own understanding.

Forgive my lack of grace.

stripped

"Really? I thought you were the one that had thought through all of this stuff."

"Believe me, I have thought about it. But it was all theory before ... now, it's becoming a reality and I'm only just becoming overwhelmed and awed at the implications."

Me realizing the reality of the enormous implications of placing my trust completely in Mike, confident that he will lead our home with the gospel and my joy as his motivation.

I am stripped of my pride and humbled by the glimpse of the life ahead of me.

my fear ... my sin

What's your greatest fear? heights? fire? water? unrequited love?

Sadly, I never give a spiritual answer to that question. I don't respond, "I fear that those I love will never come to know the joy of God's salvation."

No, instead I reply, "I fear being under-appreciated."

I hate the shallowness of my fear and ... the underlying sin behind it. This is my struggle ... this is my sin.

In the past I have given so much of myself for the good of a cause or person only to be crushed by lack of appreciation. My efforts were ignored or taken for granted. And I often sinned in my response by reacting in anger or resentment.

Is it good to encourage? Is it good to appreciate others?

Emphatically, yes! We are commanded to encourage others.

But is Christ being glorified when I hold on to bitterness by not getting my due recognition?

Ephesians 4:30-32

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

I have noticed that when I harbor bitterness, it quickly turns to anger and then slander. What a grief I must be to the Holy Spirit!

As Christians we should never drive others to bitterness, especially our fellow brothers and sisters, by neglecting to acknowledge their kindness and hard work for the kingdom of God. So often we need that affirmation that what we are doing is worthwhile and good. But when we do not receive that pat on the back of recognition, is it enough to know that what we accomplished was for Christ and His glory ... not for the praise of man?

Was our motivation to receive glory or to give glory?

Remember, you are not responsible for the actions of others ... but you are responsible for how you respond to them.

update: I just remembered Mike's post last year about encouragement.

*This is still a present struggle in my life.

pride, my constant enemy

It is generally difficult for me to ask, much less accept, the gift of service from another. While I could conjure up grand reasons of false humility, the problem finally settles on my ever-present struggle with pride.

Two weeks ago, I had allowed myself to become overwhelmed with the stress of study, moving, and wedding preparation. In a sinful response, I spoke harshly with Mike. Although I hurt him, he was patient with me and in love asked me to allow him to help me as he could. I fought against the thought of accepting his request, not wanting to admit my own weakness.

As I struggled with my shame, Mike sent me the text to a song I had never heard before. When he asked me if I would read it out loud, I sat there in silence ... physically incapable of making a sound. I only had to glance at the first line and tears clouded my vision. He then proceeded to sing me this beautiful song.

Brother, let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too

We are pilgrims on a journey
We are brothers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christlight for you
In the night-time of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear

I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh I'll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through

When we sing to God in heaven
We shall find such harmony
Born of all we've known together
Of Christ's love and agony

Brother, let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant, too

I am a different woman since I first met Mike. I realize that my sin is not a hidden secret. My sin is more apparent, my pride is my constant enemy, and my tongue seeks to wound the one I love.

Mike has been God's greatest tool these past few months that we've been friends and then lovers to sanctify me. I understand more fully the necessity of daily killing that which is earthly in me as described here in Colossians. Through loving Mike, I learn what it is to love God fully.

In practical ways I am experiencing the theology of sanctification, never content with my present sinful state, always depending on the Holy Spirit's work in my life to make me more like Christ.

With tears, I thank Mike for his love and for allowing God to use him to change me.

Onlinesoph and Tracy -

thank you thank you thank you!!! oh, i didn't even have to read all of your comments (although i did ;-) to know that you are spot on! In my mind that's NOT what I was thinking at all ... but I can see how I wrote it conveys exactly what your critiques have stated. Indeed, Chris is correct. My writing in the past is laced with championing single women and rebuking the church for treating singles as if they are broken and need to be fixed with the wonder glue of marriage. I merely continued the thread of marriage because it applied to what originally drove me into women's ministry. I sought to hit the point home that if a single woman desire to be married and would like to prepare for that ... the solution is not 3 hail mary's ... rather it is consistent godly living ... what single and married people ought to be doing anyway. Ack! but i see i've failed. that is EXACTLY why i'm thankful for this blog and the interaction on it. that way if I do actually seek to get published one day I don't fall flat on my face in ridicule and shame. Thank you so much, ladies, for pointing out the positives and negatives.

In women's ministry I'd like to focus on teaching women the Bible ... I am by no means an expert on marriage and motherhood ... I'm just not qualified ... So should I speak at conferences, write Bible study literature, or lead a Bible study at a local church, my studies will be on Scripture ... not how to catch a godly man in 3 weeks ... etc. It is out of a solid foundation in Scripture that godly living in all sorts of relationships and areas of life can be put to work. Ruth, Esther, and Proverbs 31 would not be common theme passages in my teaching. But rather the entirety of Scripture.

Indeed, Soph, i have been neglecting the single women of late. Perhaps the reason lies in that it is sooo new for me to be in a committed relationship and I am in awe of the new lessons I am learning! so cool!

here are two past posts ... none of the writing original to me ... but very important to me, nonetheless. If anyone knows of any other posts that i've written for the benefit of singles feel free to contribute.

I'd rather laugh than cry: the warped theology of singleness

I'd rather laugh than cry: %u201CThe Single Servant of God%u201D - 1 Cor. 7:32

prayer request

I had every reason to believe I'd be teaching high school art at a local Christian school beginning this August (except for a signed contract). I just received word from the principal *today* that the woman who taught it last year, but left for personal reasons, has decided to return to her position. My services are no longer needed.

I was disappointed. I was so looking forward to teaching art again.

But that's not the worst of it.

My lease on the apartment depends on the occupants' combined salary equalling at least three times the amount of the monthly rent. The current lease ends at the end of June. The three of us don't qualify ... not without my job.

Sure I could get a job at Starbucks ... but I leave on TUESDAY for the Pacific Northwest!

I will not return till the beginning of August.

My stuff stays ... I leave.

Please pray for me.

God is faithful ... He's proven that to me time and again. I have so many stories to tell of how He has provided for me in *impossible* moments ... not because I deserved it ... I am a sinner deserving of nothing!

Plus, my dad *and* my pastor's wife said ... "It's not like you haven't been through something like this before." (aka. have a job lined up and ready to move to a new place, 3 days before flying to new place get a call to say that the school i'd be teaching at is closing, arrive in the city with *nothing* on a Saturday. By God's grace, signed a contract with another school on Tuesday. Moved into an apartment on Thursday. and visited my next church home that Sunday.)

God is good all the time.

I need wisdom and discernment, however.

If there is any sin in me, Lord, and I am blinded toward it ... search me, O God ... reveal my iniquities to me so that I may confess and repent. Guide me and direct my steps so that I may share the glory of what you have done in my life with others. May I use my home to administer hospitality and the Gospel of our Lord Jesus. May all who enter find peace and hope. You are the Lord of this home.

Amen.